Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

We had a really good evening last night. There was some slight shift in H yesterday that I first noticed with his texts. He had put a smiley face on several texts... and they were not joking texts in which he might usually put a smiley face.

So I said, "You are all about the smiley faces today! :)"

He said, ":) :)"

I said, "Happy today?"

He said, "I'm excited for our trip and to go see a movie next week. Is that ok?"

I said, "Yes, more than ok. I am glad to know that."

Then last night he brought it up again & said that we were going to have a lot of fun on our trip & he was looking forward to it. Then he said, too bad you're not going to have any fun. (This is typical H... I think this is his insecurity & how he tries to get reassurance?) I said I was looking forward to it too & that he should not be so negative with his predictions.

In addition to that, he seemed extra caring, attentive, and affectionate all evening. We played a little video game together (I've stopped saying no when he asks me... I kinda suck at it but after reading His Needs, Her Needs I see that recreational activities are important to a lot of men & this is something he enjoys doing. So I've been making the effort to get better at it & I don't turn him down anymore. I think this has been something he has noticed.). After dinner he came and sat by me on the porch swing w/o being on his phone. And just his overall mood was very caring and sweet. Not sure what the switch was from... but it was nice.

And yet... still one quick thought popped up- maybe something good happened to him today in regards to the OW... maybe that is why he is in such a good mood. I had to try to reassure myself that if that was the case, he wouldn't be putting so much effort into our relationship... he wouldn't be so loving and he wouldn't want extra time with me. I also think back to the affair & try to remember if there was times where he was extra nice & I don't recall any. I do recall him coming home from work & ripping into me about something I'd done or not done. (It seems like during the affair we got along less ... I guess b/c he was keeping resentments active as justification for what he was doing... I dunno.) So anyway, letting myself believe he wants a happy, healthy marriage with me.