Feeling Numb

[Elly4]

V, you are absolutely right.

[V2pt0]

Wow, E. What a touching story you posted. I think all of us on here can relate. Let us all be able to look at our scares from our M, reconciled or not, and know that we all love/d deeply.

It also reminds me of a famous quote about challenges. "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." Any of life's challenges are an opportunity for growth if you seize the moment. Without challenges and obstacles we would all remain stagnant. Some people choose to run from these challenges because it is easier and it seems it will hurt less, but in the end, they are losing out. I mean this is a big part of what marriage is, right? Two imperfect people joining to go through life together. It is by that special union that they tackle life's challenges only to grow and become better people together.

[gonegrl]

E, that story has me in tears. It is so true. I am in between waves right now. Thank you for posting that.

[Elly4]

Photoka, I'm glad you liked it, and it made me cry now twice.

BT, I love that quote too. M is certainly a journey of two imperfect individuals. I just wish that in mine, I had pushed more or gotten him to open up more about what he was feeling. I feel like I ran away in earlier years rather than trying to get him to talk.

E

[Lost08]

"Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. "

E-
A friend of mine emailed me the same story just last week. I'm still in the beginning stages of this. Thinking H might be having a MLC, confirmed EA, possible PA.

This story spoke directly to my soul and my shredded heart. It also offered me some hope. And I'm hoping it helps you to know I am both humbled and in awe of your strength. Sending you hugs from a newbie.

[Azzork]

E- here's one I saw on FB today:

A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her – her husband had cheated on her and she was devastated. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, grandmother?’

Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity? Do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

[Elly4]

I hope I'm the coffee bean, but some days I'm the carrot I think unfortunately.

[Zephyr]

E,

I like the story...Really I do. it puts into perspective how we could all turn out from such a brutal ordeal of bringing us to the boiling point.

Here is the thing, you get to chose WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BECOME. if you chose to do nothing and let this situation control itself...you will likely become the carrot. if you chose to not let go of all your hurts and resentments of your spouse and the anger you feel...you will likely become the egg.

But you get to chose to be the coffee beans. You are already started down that path, so I don't think you are carrot bound at all...you are a strong woman who is capable of standing on your own two feet, walking towards your destiny...whatever that may be.

all of these months you have been working towards this point you are at, feeling the hurt and pain of your husbands abandonment. It is OK to feel that. You have to allow yourself to feel that pain and accept it as the reality of today. You have to do that, but still move forward. you have to say, I will live my life and live it to the fullest I can.

You need for you to be strong, your son needs you to be strong. I have said it before, that I think you are a strong woman and I truly believe it, you have exhibited these qualities time and time again. I am proud for you of how you have handled yourself to date.

Lets start with just one step forward, today.

(((HUGS)))

[Elly4]

Oh gosh, and now I'm crying. In a good way. Had FB pop up a picture of my H and son just last summer and I was starting to get melancholy. Then I come on here and read your post Zephyr.

Thank you for your faith in me when I waver. I will be the coffee bean but it's okay to be sad too. I forget that part a lot and get mad at myself for it.

How are you doing?

*Hugs* right back at ya
E

[asitis]

Yes, and we all feel like the carrot some days. Softening isn't always a bad thing either. A lot of empathy starts as a kind of tenderness we develop from feeling our own wounds and getting to know them in a caring way.

You may not see (or smell & taste in this case) the change in the water yet, but you just started. You are already taking steps that will have positive effects on the people around you. It may not save the M (he may be have poured into another pot for now... OK I'm stretching this metaphor too far), but it will start making the water smell and taste really good.