Let me start by saying that my PMA is going NOWHERE!
I am still going to DB for ME and that's final, so there.
Well, last night H and I were in bedroom. Usually I have school Mon nights, but it was spring break. He got a call on his cellphone. It was the FF he was flirting with at work. He had been avoiding here since he found out that she had feelings for him that he didn't return. (He and I decided that our M was worth the work and he was supposed to tell her so.) He was just looking for something fun. However, before he hung up with her, I heard her say (boy does H keep his volume high on his cellphone) "do you love me." He was anxious to get her off the phone (I could clearly see it) and said "yes."
I asked him if he loves her and he said no, he cares for her as a friend. I told him that obviously he had to tell her to stop contacting him, not just step back and hope she goes away. She is married with kids, as is he (although they are from his last marriage.)
I have noticed a marked difference in H's attitude towards me these past weeks since he told me he would back off from her. He told me last night that he wasn't faking any of those feelings, he really did care about me and felt like doing those loving things for me. (tucking me in to bed at night, kissing me, hugging me, laughing with me, etc.) He had been avoiding calling it an EA and preferred to say he was flirting heavily, but finally last night admitted it was an EA.
He also promised to tell me everything about future contact with this FF including the voice mail she left him after he turned off his phone last night. He thinks this has been going on since September, but I have to wonder if it was going on a little before August, which is when the bomb dropped. Some of that grass is greener stuff.
Anyway, H is very intelligent and it only took a few months for him to realize the grass needs to be watered either way.
Back to DBing my butt off this morning. I know I should be devastated by the final admission by H last night, but I am relieved. I feel we can finally move on from here and really begin working on our M.
H was quiet this a.m. and took a REALLY long shower. Had to wonder aloud to him if he was avoiding me. He said no, but I think otherwise. I told him that I wouldn't act like his XW and throw it back in his face. He has promised to stay faithful and honest and I trust him to do so. He seemed to relax and later said he would like to have a vacation day with me where we could just go mountain biking. He also said he enjoyed looking at comic books with me last night. (YAY! He had pulled out old comic books he had collected years ago. That was right after the incident and our R talk, and he still had fun with me. We're going to do it again tonight. It means a lot to me that he is still sharing his past with me, and I told him so.)
So, any tips? I asked him to share all his future talks with this girl, but I won't ask him about it. I trust him to come to me with it. I really feel like this will bring us closer together. Not sure if I should back off from here, and go do the gym thing a bit longer than usual. (I have been sick and haven't lost any wt lately.) Or if I should be available for him tonight when he comes home? Maybe be there for him so he can begin to feel comfortable around me again that I won't be trying to guilt trip him. It takes a while for him to believe in my actions because his XW did a number on him with the guilt and controlling, etc.
