Sleeping Beauty and the Jedi

[hopeOK]

The trust thing ... It was there but I smiled at myself just last night. W was in the living room all into her camera gear, laid out as she was packing up her stuff, organizing, checking to make sure its all in order, I went to shower. On the bed ... her phone. Knee-jerk reation was to grab it and look ... then I just kept walking, I realized ... if she was hiding something, she would not leave it out ... the fact she did leave it out like that ... its new, the past 3-4 years that thing has been attached to her, as of late ... its just a phone and she does not flinch if I pick it up and move it, hand it to her, whatever.
I think it was RobX that posted something to the effect of "If I have to wast MY energy to ensure YOU are faithful/trust worthy ... this will not work out for me" ... that really stuck with me, why should I waste MY energy on something she did ... and honestly she very well could do it again, the A was her choice and out of my control just as a 2nd A would be ... no sense ME wasting myself concerned about that. I decided to trust .. its a decision ... if she would like to work on our M and be with me ... I want that to be a choice for her .. not out of obligation nor control from me.

The triggers, yeah they are there .. had one yesterday ... again .. those are things I am working on and really starting to realize they are items I have fed power to .. the only power they have over me is what I give them. Many things remind me of OM and the A ... I am steadily dealing with them, the big ones are all but gone ... the bed is a non-factor, as is the place and the couch ... now its just little things here and there... and I just need to bug stomp those out as they come.

Yeah... you are right... my h does this too- leaves his phone around purposefully. Sometimes I do look at it but it has been less & less. A lot of times i can see it & walk on by. So while this is good that he is leaving it around for my access... my negative thoughts sometimes make me think he could possibly be going further underground. Maybe only talking to OW while he is out of the house or at work... he could be using his work land line phone or he could be using his computer at work. So where there is a will there is a way... & I do know it will be his choice. I just don't want to be sitting around for a long time thinking he is faithful & devoted but on the side, very covertly this time, he is still talking to her. THAT is what gets me on my bad days.

But yes, you are so right... it is not worth the waste of energy. And they have to decide they want to be solely with us... not out of obligation or by force. I wonder at what point ppl feel confident in this being true?

And yep... the triggers only affect us if we allow it. It's tough to stay on top of them & some are easier than others!!