Summer of Growth and Acceptance - Part 2

[Painter]

H had an online friendship with OW (old flame from many years ago) for several years without me really knowing about, although he mentioned it when she first contacted him, then it turned into an EA sometime in late 2013, he says - then progressed to a PA last fall. She doesn't live here so he had to travel to see her. I was away for the 4 months the PA was active.

He went back and forth between remorse and defensiveness for a while. He wanted to very quickly stop dealing with it, and he said he broke it off just before I got back.

H is not a great communicator when it comes to emotions. That's probably also why he has not had his needs met for so long, he has not expressed them - maybe he wasn't even aware of them. I've asked him so many times what he feels or wants or thinks - he's always answered me 'I don't know' or 'I don't care'. Eventually, I stopped asking, of course.

I don't know if it's too late for us, it may be. I can tell he carries enormous resentment against me, it bubbles up every now and then. He does not take much responsibility for what happened, and he is not very interested in talking about it or self-exploring. Which fits with everything that's happened so far... Did you ever read 'How to get through to the man you love'? I'm thinking about getting it.

It sounds like the process where you are is very fast! I'm sure he will regret this. I just wonder if pride is going to keep him from admitting that.