I have been keeping up with your thread and you have had some great advice. Cadet and Sandi are all posters with enormous experience and that is some very heavy duty posting. HP has also shared part of his journey. Azz is also wise and supportive.
I would caution you to be careful of self diagnosing and labelling your WW with a clinical diagnosis like BPD or NPD. They are serious psychological disorders and need a clinical diagnosis. In essence these disorders don't just arise they have always been there, they aren't radical changes, it might just be her mask has slipped or your sunglasses are removed, but it may not help you to label unless WW has met a clinician.
The NMMNG seems to have opened your eyes to some of the things in your Sitch. I love that book, it applies to us gals too.......
I also suggest codependent no more, although I personally found that I related to codependency for dummies better. I am a practical lass.
it might be more realistic to consider if your WW was being emotionally abusive and taking you through cycles, rather than labelling her with a disorder. If this is the case then shouldn't you be considering moving back in rather than moving out? A 180 is to stand up for Solo and his kids. Your kids will need you more than ever. WW seems to want all of your resources as if they were hers, they are not. Time to look after Solo. If you are going to move to D then you will need to drink STFU smoothies every day. The abusive spouse requires slightly modified techniques the grey stone technique will be important to you. I have a version of it called breeze block which builds a protection as well as being dull.
I was an abused W and eventually walked, my story is one of being a dishrag to become a stronger person. I have learned much from my journey, it sounds very strange but this has been a great gift, an enormous journey to self. There is much to heal for you Solo, and you will also need silence, love and peace. You will want the very best for your children and that path is one of steadfastness and detachment.
Becoming a cold calculating terminator isn't the answer, and I think will be inauthentic to you, the best thing you can do is to love, yes, that's counter intuitive, I know this, but it is that which you do. Coming from a place of love which includes yourself, your children and of course WW means finding the best solution with an open mind. You will need clear vision in the days ahead, not clouded by anger and coldness. This means walking your path with pride, detachment and strength.
I noticed Joe had posted on your thread, you could do well to read his threads, Joe grew enormously and worked hard on himself, he is a man only a fool would leave. His advice is gold for you. You may also want to review Schermans posts although I haven't seen him around for a while, his WW was diagnosed borderline ( if my recollection is correct). Cadet also has experience of these disorders, I don't, my experience is abuse of all kinds.
Dashing to D may not be the ideal answer, and I understand your reason. WW will sense the change in you because it is a big change. I agree that you consult a good L to get advice, one you can work with. Keep your cards very close to your chest, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
If as it seems WW is in an abuser then you may be codependent so your own emotions may get in the way. If so be very open about this here on the board. You will get a great deal of support.
Zelda and I put together an abuse thread and I include the thread which is a starter for you, to evaluate if this seems familiar.
