I'm starting to think about casually dating, but not decided yet. I don't want anything serious and no plans to be unfaithful, but I think it would be a nice distraction. And I honestly think it would help me detach even further from my W. I want to know that there are other women out there who find me attractive and interesting. And if I start to develop any feelings, then it would be a motivator for me to go ahead and file for D. It's not what I want, but the more time that passes, the more I become discouraged looking at the path back to a healthy M. I mean, she's been cheating for almost 5 years! And with at least 4 OM.
Not telling you what you should and should not do here as far as the dating. I will share during all this I too got to a point I felt the urge to get off the bench and throw up a couple to see if I could just hit the rim.
Lesson I learned, I was not over my W, not ready to put myself out there more than just have fun and show off some of the traits I knew women found attractive. I went out on a couple dates, could have pursued more but didn't knowing that I was solely using the 2 girls as a crutch, as a boost to my ego, in fact filling it with the wrong kind of gas, this was not the confidence I wanted ... was not from within so I pulled back and looked at who I was and what I wanted. Just because W was involved in an A, did not make it ok for me to do the same ... I decided to honor my vows, to not allow my loneliness to control me nor my actions, when my D was final and I felt I was ready to give 100% of myself to another then I would be open to a R .. not a day quicker. Turns out that day never came and I am ok with that.
Your choice, but as uR says ... do this from a place of strength not out of emotional neediness.
Originally Posted By: dwh15
How do I get past that? And is she even capable of the work it would require to fix herself? I'm taking it day by day but starting to imagine myself more often with someone new; someone with no sorted history of betrayal.
I am not sure, but I do know its not from another woman, the bottom of a bottle or from a pill .... its from alot of work, tons of time, and a belief in yourself. What happened to you will have to be processed, you will carry this with you in your M, or in any relationship you have ... its not something you can just drop off and disregard. This is why you have to rebuild you, keep working on yourself ... let things play out as they will.
