Well ... I did not find this forum untill about 10 months AFTER BD. When it happened I did not do alot of the 'mistakes' ... but I did do a few and broke a few of the '37'. I never begged or pleaded when she left in Nov, I did pursue ... but in Jan when OM was revealed I was so hurt and betrayed I thought I was done honestly, alot of pain and back and forth for 6-7 months till I laned here.
Keep in mind, Sandis 37, while golden ... its more about your approach and attitude. For me some of the 37 were no brainers .. others felt like chopping off an arm. Then it clicked, they are not things to win her back, in fact its more about winning yourself back ... might not make much sense now but hopefully for you it soon will.
The mean/anger stuff lasted as long as I fed into it, lasted as long as I tolerated it. It stopped when I put up a boundary on it ... check out Wonkas Boundary post. When you follow the 37, detach, you start regainging yourself, like I said .. you gain self worth and self respect. It becomes WHO you are. You would not let someone come into your house with muddy shoes disrespecting your place right? When my W started with the anger and spew, at first I weathered it, thinking I deserved it .... then I realized .. wait a minute, not only do I not deserve this 'again' but I am not going to stand out here and take it, I would leave, ask her to leave, hang up ... after telling her I would not be treated disrespectfully any longer .... this is after I owned my faults and errors in the M.
Again .. all this ^^^ about you .. not her. She will still be pissed and spew, you decide how much you want on you.
