Ok... this DB stuff is truly more about the self work that begins to happen. Reading your post ... just this last one... and it might seem nit-picky just as I recall early in my sitch being called out on such things but they are at the core of things you really meed to look at .. the deep rooted stuff.
That "no-win" ... "lose lose" mindset. You are keeping score. Don't ... its not constructive and only keeps you stuck. Its like building blocks of bitter on top of bitter if you get what I am saying. I think AJ said you can come out of all this in 2 different ways ... Bitter or Better. Better my friend is alot more work I assure you ... its much easier to be pissed off and bitter but it really lands you with a bad life looking forward.
The other "Wife would have blamed that on me to them and I would be the bad guy" .... her thoughts, feelings, are all hers. She feels what she feels, will do what she will do, is going to say what she is going to say. Are you a bad guy? If my wife says I am a purple gorilla it does not make me one .... nor am I going to rush and figure out how to change her perception of me, I know who I am and when I look in the mirror I do not see a purple gorilla, I like the guy who is looking back at me. Was a time I did'nt, and like you .. was a time I would actually see a purple gorilla and want so badly to change it .... but that was impossible because in reality .. I never have been a purple gorilla, that was her perception, one I was a fool to believe.
Find yourself out of all this duke.
I have told a few to do this ... its helpful. Sit down, write out 3 columns 1-20. #1 is things you like about yourself. #2 Things you do not like about yourself. #3 Things you admire in other people that you feel you lack or are not strong in. Put that list somewhere where you can see it in the morning, WORK on that list by focusing on one thing in #2 and replace it with something from #3 .... all the while reading everything in #1 and reminding yourself of who you are with the vision of who you want to be .... This is how I created Cali 2.0, the better man who walked out of the ashes from all this.
