Duke .. taking your Question from tdk's thread over here to yours
Originally Posted By: duke
Cali, just curious, what would you have done in my situation?
I am guessing its the trampoline sitch:
Originally Posted By: duke
We have a nice big trampoline at our old house that was 15' x 18', huge. A 2 or 3 person job to move it. Could not fit in a full size pick up for sure, you have to take it apart which is an 8 hour job. I asked W if we should sell it or move it. Ok, Did you ask her to sell it or movement to get a reaction from her? Be Honest here ... was the thing affecting your life one way or the other? At first she said sell it then changed her mind and didn't tell me, I almost sold it and checked with her at the last minute. Of course she freaked out and said she had arranged to move it to her new rental house, again without telling me. Seems the communication thing is eating at you ... but sniffs of control if you get what I mean The person that she arranged to move it is a good mutual friend but very unreliable. When I found out I left him texts and messages to help him. He forgot about it completely and I ended up having to do it by myself.So you jumped in, took over and rescued here, she had it arranged, HER circus here and she got a different monkey to move the thing, but you came in Magilla-Gorilla and took over the monkey role ... how did this help your situation? It did'nt, what it did do was build up frustration and resentment on your part right? The entire time W and kids were in Europe. Here is the situation: if I sold it, I lose in her eyes and the kids I'm a bad guy. If I left it alone and it never got moved I'm a bad guy and would have to pay the landlord to move it, I lose. If I left it for friend to move, I'm lazy and careless, I lose. If I move it myself I'm a martyr, suck up, panderer, again, I lose. SO what could I have don't different? By the way, wife will not even mention it and she will probably tell the kids not to as well. What could I have done in this situation? Best as I see it, make sure it gets done, do it myself, for my family and keep my mouth shut. At the end of the day I am there for my kids.
Ok you just laid it out there as a lose/lose/lose/lose.
Thing is you asked W what you should do with it ... she said one thing, thought about it decided to take care of it herself .. AT that point, its not your problem. This is a PERFECT time to let your W try on those BGP she chose to wear. IF ... and only IF she asks for your help then you can decide to help her or not ... in this case you jumped in thinking you had to take care of it for her. Doing this is fine if its a "I took care of the trampoline because it was not going to get done and would have costed ME financial" At that point you protect YOURSELF and that's that ... dust your hands off, issue solved and move on ... but your post has that vibe like you did her a favor and you are standing at the door waiting for a tip like a bell-hop which pisses you off that you have been demoted to this role.
To answer your question, What I would have done .. and what I did do ... when W and I split, I took my things, put them in a storage container, moved all my stuff, the other items she chose to take, all her ... she hired a moving crew and off it went, the stuff they left behind, was left behind ... months later I was asked about the outdoor dinning set ... she took the chairs but left the table and umbrella, not my problem as I told her, what good would a set without chairs do me? (The landlord did bill for removal of several things, all of which were items she 'claimed' .... not my problem.
That being said .. I miss that table and umbrella, was pricey and we could use it now ...lol.
