Today I looked back at my list of DB goals I had when things went south for H & I... when things got really bad (in June & July). I am happy to see that all my goals have been achieved.
-Text/call during the day to see how things are going or to chat about misc. -Say goodbye when he leaves. -Kiss goodbye & hello. -Provide ways to make me feel safe/secure (unlock phone, friend on fb, unfriend OW on fb, access to phone bill, inform of schedule, communicate whereabouts) ~~~ I don't have all of these things yet... but most. I think I would be able to access the phone bill but haven't brought that up in conversation yet b/c I'm not ready to broach that yet... one day it will come & I can look back at all the calls so I am not too worried about that right now. He doesn't always tell me his schedule in advance but will if I ask & he volunteers the time he is going to try to get off work on many occasions. ~~~~ -Talk about the future including me. -Plan a family activity with me. -Take steps to schedule a date with me.
He is doing a lot more than what I had set as goals such as... -saying "I love you" often -Giving lots of affection including long hugs before he gets out of bed in the morning. -He wants to buy me things (went out of his way to buy me a bracelet on vacation & has been looking for a necklace I said I wanted... when we were not going good he was very tight on money not even wanting to go out to eat or get coffee much less buy me things... I also think this might be a way he is trying to make up to me a little bit.) -He has said out loud to the kids that I am #1 & kids are right behind that (big deal for him to say it, even if he isn't quite there yet) -He is making time to do things with me. -He is taking me on a trip in a couple months for just us (w/o kids).
So really... I think we are doing good. All that is lacking is a conversation about boundaries and ongoing conversations about meeting each others needs (which we have touched on). Whenever I start to feel anxious about the OW I remind myself of all the positive changes & try to reassure myself that he could not be maintaining an affair while putting so much into our marriage (sometimes I convince myself better than others).
We definitely have more work to do and must keep our marriage in focus always... but I'm happy to be here rather than where we were a month or two ago.
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
