Definitely made some mistakes and took a few steps backwards this weekend. W and I spent some time together and ended up speaking about the R, which led to an argument about me feeling disrespected with her flirting and texting. I made a fool out of myself, tried to be controlling, made threats about exposing it, etc. I ended up calming down, and just retiring to bed, I was very ashamed of my reaction, and how I allow myself to get to that point.
The next day, I took my baby boy and just went to visit my mother, and spend the time there. I re-centered myself and began working on how I can become a better me. My insecurities, my fears, looking deep inside to understand why I am holding on so strongly and why I am so afraid to accept the end of my marriage.
I have been reading The Four Agreements, great book, and wanted to share something that has resonated with me, and though you guys might enjoy.
"God is life. God is life in action. The best way to say, "Thank you, God" is by letting go of the past and living in the present moment, right here and now. Whatever life takes away from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now." - the four agreements
Back to just focusing on me and the boys. God Bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
