Divorce is just a piece of paper......

[DFE]

D was finalized 6 months ago but it seems it was just a piece of paper. Will these feelings ever go away. I can't seem to break away from this relationship. Neither one of us can. He has done a better job than I have but what keeps us tied together like this?

I have been on this forum for many years. My XH and I went through a lot. Moving in and out trying to make it work. Having time to think about it I know where he would come back and I was shut down. I wish I had done more. Even after our divorce he came back saying if you and I are going to put this back together we have to work together and be friends. My anger pushed him away. I knew about the other woman and he didn't know I knew.

We hadn't spoken in 3 months but the other day I broke my silence. I discovered something that I had to email him about. Something to do with her. He finally acknowledged that he knows her and that it's not what I think. This woman has been a good friend to him. He ran into her and her boyfriend at a bar one night when we first split up and she was someone he could talk to that didn't know any of the parties involved. They have become good friends but he says it's not what I think. He has offered to talk to me about it in person.

He also says that the misses me and our family daily. He just couldn't stay and be miserable any longer. He often thinks about what we could do to get back together but he doesn't see a way. Our relationship was broken.

He has once again offered to be my friend. He says he wants to say the hell with me but can't get himself to do it. Although we haven't spoke he says I am still the most important person in the world to him. He has left everything he has to me and if he was on his death bed I would be the one he would want there with him.

I don't know what to do. I love him deeply and don't want to push him away again. This woman he is with if she isn't a friend is just a distraction I feel. Nothing serious. I have pushed him away so much and all he needed was companionship and a friend. Do I try to be his friend again? If I do it would be to ease things for my kids. They are happier when we communicate but can I do this without somewhere in my head thinking it may lead to us getting back together? Am I setting myself up for disappointment?

I don't know if I am in love with him any longer either. He has caused me and our kids a lot of hurt and I am angry but something keeps me tied to him. He is my family and in my heart. I can't imagine dating anyone else or introducing anyone to my kids. I need advice. I've seen many success stories here and would love feedback from the vets. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking geez woman it's been 10 years drop it. I want to drop it. I want to move on. Something in my heart won't let me.