I don't want to do her any favors but in the case that my kids are involved I have no choice.
If you think you had no choice, then I think you should reread chapter 1(?) of DR about starting over with a Beginner's mind. Im not saying that you had a better choice, but I think it's better to think that you choose to do something than feel like you are forced to do something. For example:
It's a little unclear from your posts how you determined the car was not working correctly, but it sounds like she was out somewhere and was able to get it back to your place. The way I see it, you had a number of choices: - repair the car - let her figure out how to get it repaired - let her buy a new car - figure out how to operate with one car Im not saying that these are BETTER options. All of the other ones include some cost from a time or money aspect that is probably not a good solution. But next time, when she asks you to do something (or...I guess...doesnt), remember to think about what options you do have. Then decide which one is the best. You ALWAYS have choices.
Originally Posted By: tkdmme
I will not intervene in any of her bad choices that only effect her. But if it effects me and the kids I have to intervene.
In general, I agree, but theres a line, fuzzy as it may be. Duke posted an example of a trampoline back up in your thread. He believes that if he didnt take it down, then the kids would blame HIM for being lazy, even though his W wanted to have it moved and his FRIEND that agreed to move it flaked out. His wife made bad choices that impacted the kids' happiness, and he intervened. But for the life of me, I cant understand why. OK, I can. But it's in doing something for his W in the name of doing it for the kids.
Getting the kids to school - yes. make sure that is possible if your W cant handle it. Having the kids toy available for them to play with - no. thats W's problem.
Ultimaely, we all have choices. Thats why what MWD writes about making them is so meaningful. Every time you face a choice - something youre going to say, something youre going to do, something youre NOT going to say....think Is what I am about to do or say getting me closer or farther from my goal?. If it's farther....dont do it!
