Still have hope

[hopeOK]

Hi kippz.

I would totally get the I Love you out of your mind if you can. I know that is hard. I went for awhile w/ H purposefully not saying it & it [censored]. I knew it was missing & that made it hurt worse. So that is why it is much easier if you can get it out of your head. Instead, work on yourself and work on things that have done to negatively contribute to the relationship. Concentrate on you and what you can do to be better and do better. It is much better to hear "I love you" when you know for sure they are in love with you rather than an empty habitual "I love you". So actually, when my h started to say I love you again (I never said it to him & waited for it to come back... and mostly he now always says it first & out of the blue... not just at the end of a phone conversation.) I knew it was b/c he was really feeling it... he really wanted me to know and that it was also in part due to all the work I had been doing to be a better wife and person. So be patient, do the work, and wait for it to come back is my advice.

I get what you are saying about being afraid of the influence. I had the same issue when my h & I fell off the tracks (post BD... it was my BD on him that cause it.) He was talking a lot to a friend/co-worker who I knew was divorce a couple times and living the single life. I thought he was getting advice from him on what he should do in our situation. I read a message to this friend that said, "we are basically separated but living together." That really sucked to read and I hated he was confiding in someone who had been bad at his own relationships. I stressed over it. I even eventually made a smart axx comment about how it was so smart to get advice from this person... I'm sure he is super helpful in the relationship department. But in the end, I think he had not shared much of our relationship trouble w/ him (other than there was trouble) & I don't think this guy was handing out advice... I think he was just the sympathetic person who said- "yeah, that [censored]." And even if he was giving advice, we all have the capacity to take someones advice and really look at it to see if that is what we want to do. Heck, I've gotten several pieces of advice in my situation from friends or a family member that I tossed. So I should have gave him that credit... he isn't dumb. But I say all this to say that there are always going to be outside influences that are less than stellar. Heck, the movies & tv abound with bad choices that appear to be very attractive choices. So give him a bit of credit for being able to make decisions for himself and know that if he does make bad decisions, it is fully on him, not on this other person.