I think I belong in Piecing...

[hopeOK]

Oh, I see what you mean! I think all my 180s were things that H appreciated that I changed. I'm not withholding any affection that feels natural to express at this point. But I'm holding back on my OLD type of pursuing and trying new ways of reaching out that I think H appreciates more.

For instance: I used to do things for H - acts of service is my love language. His LL is words of affirmation. I'm not good with words. So now I work on doing less and saying more. You'd think that would be easy to do, right? Much less work! But surprisingly difficult to change, it's like I have a mouth full of rocks when I'm about to do it, and I feel soooo insincere.

I think this is something that will be different from situation to situation, what should you continue to do (changes that makes you a better version of yourself, and things that annoyed your spouse) and what should you go back to doing (natural expressions of affection, things spouse likes).

I am definitely the same as you as far as finding it difficult to say nice things to H. I hate to sound like I am forcing myself to say certain things so it has been tricky to find things that feel a little less weird and that I can get out authentically. I can say I appreciate my h for doing xyz very easily but telling him he is attractive is hard! So I started saying, "you look nice today" or "that shirt looks really good on you." That came really pretty easily so I tried to do it as often as I could w/o overdoing it. Then I've started to compliment him more on his looks. Tonight I told him that I liked his beard that he was growing out & that he looked cute with it. He said- "I"ve grown out my beard before & you never seemed to like it." I told him that I liked it but that I just never said anything b/c other stuff got in the way. Which is true... my own stuff got in the way as well as resentments from how he treated me (due to how I treated him... a vicious cycle). But now I'm getting past all that & I hope that he can know that I do find him attractive even if I haven't said so (until now) for the past 10 years or more!