Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[DifRent]

So, I've had a pretty good weekend away from the house at my mom's, as I tend to do when I'm down here. This porch of hers is so peaceful, such a haven for which I am so thankful. And my mom is a saint. She listens, she prays, she loves me, and she loves my W. I couldn't be more blessed than I am with her.

I didn't know my WW was headed off for a beach trip this weekend, but someone who still follows her on Facebook brought it to my attention this afternoon, as WW had posted photos. Only of herself, of course. No evidence yet of the OW for the public. Apparently, someone even commented along the lines of, "Hope you and Dif are having a wonderful time!!!"

Can't help but slog through a few hours of sadness when I know these things. I'd love to say I'm this incredibly strong soul who is perfectly detached. But alas, I'm not. I miss her. I mean... I miss who she used to be, and what we used to share.

I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today... a year ago at this very hour, in fact. I had just flown in from our nearly month-long vacation in Albania. Such a long flight back, 24 hours-plus of travel. She and I had a coffee and croissant at the airport in Tirana at some ungodly hour of the morning before she kissed me and I embarked on the long journey home, but our goodbyes weren't sad at all.

She was due to fly home just four days later, so that we could begin to build our business and a solid life here in the US, one where she wouldn't be traveling so much or stuck in godforsaken countries like Afghanistan.

It was a good plan, we thought.

When my final flight finally landed here after several delays, just a five minute drive from our home, they had lost my luggage. It was no problem, just amusing - the luggage arrived on the doorstep before midnight. My boys picked me up at the airport, we went out for dinner, and I was exhausted but so happy to be home with them, and so happy to collapse in my W's and my bed. No sleep is sweeter than the one that comes on the heels of flying for 24 hours... especially when you know your beloved is not far behind.

Truth be told, we dealt with a lot of stress and angst right out of the gate once she returned. But I accepted all that for what it was... the stress that comes with making such a big life transition. I never in a million years thought it would lead to all this.

But, it is what is is.

In any case, I tried today to focus on the fact that I think I found some land, finally, to build my new place. Building the house is the easy part... finding the land has been the challenge. It's not exactly what I want, but if I wait for perfection on this count, it could be years. I just know that moving forward with this plan will be a key factor in moving forward with my life. And that's exactly what I need to do.

It's not easy, though. It's not even been four months since she's turned my world upside down. I just hope and pray that when I wake tomorrow, I will be driven and determined to do the right things for me. Some days, I am. But a little more often than not, I'm still just shellshocked, and wishing this nightmare would end and we'd wake up to what we had before.

Sorry for rambling and venting, but this is where I can ramble and vent without judgment or people thinking I'm crazy for standing. No one in my world knows what I'm going through like all of you do. Peace.