Cali it is normal to have your walls up. I dont believe it has anything to do with forgiveness. It is normal to be angry and distrustful of someone who has hurt you. It is normal to fantasize that they will fall flat on their face for what they did. It is normal to feel anxious about making decisions and what the right decision is.
It is like having PTSD. Intrusive thoughts, familiar smells will trigger emotions. And you will react to protect yourself. It is an innate defense mechanism.
What im saying is that your reactions are normal. ask your IC if trained in EMDR. Might help.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
