hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Asitis - thanks for writing.
you've hit on an important point I believe and one that my IC said too.

As she has been unraveling a bit, she has shown a lot of anger, she has shown violent behavior and even threatened to kill me. What if she unravels more with this?

I need to be able to protect the kids and myself if things get out of hand.

I need for the kids to not be scared by her potential actions - so telling them what is coming might help them prepare and get through at least a verbal spew incident.

My instinct is that you should tell both your W & your kids this is coming, but not too much before she is served. Once you tell the kids, there is a chance that it will get to W (one calls distraught for instance). I'd tell her first, then the kids. Give her the chance to sit down with you to discuss telling them together if she can do it in a non-blaming way that puts the kids' needs first. That this day was likely coming should not be a surprise for her. You give her the opportunity to be part of the caring for the kids if she is able & willing to.

I agree with all of this - and this is what I will likely do.

It is a strange thing for me though - like it has got to be perfectly timed. Not that I'm hypersensitive to her moods, but they do swing wildly, so catching her with this announcement while she's angry makes it seem like it's my reaction to what is happening in that instance. Catching her while she's happy makes it seem like I'm a bastard that is never satisfied.

Writing a letter to tell her is something that would allow me to get every word right, but something this monumental should be face to face.

I'm a bit scattered about all of this, but realize I need to figure it out - time is now ticking.

Thank you so much for checking in with me.