So sorry you find yourself here and so sorry that things have moved so quickly for you. I know how devastating it is to find out about an OW.
I do want to share something, though, that my H told me about his OW after the A fell apart. He said they fought all the time and she was always pressuring him to D me and marry her. (He did ask for D at one point, but backed down.) He said he always wore protection because he feared she'd intentionally get pregnant. He said that anytime he talked to me on the phone (which was pretty regular since we own a business together), she'd get angry and make a scene. And he said he told her I was his best friend (I can only imagine how THAT went over!) And he said the sex was pretty lousy.
All the while, I was sitting here thinking that he must be having the time of his life with his new love - making up fantasies in my head about how happy he was with her while I was so miserable and alone. I just wanted to point out that they sometimes find out that what looks good from the outside turns pretty sour when they actually dive in. And what we think is going on isn't always the case. It's best to find a way to drive those thoughts out of your head and focus on building a new and better life for yourself.
I also know that "divorce" sounds so final. It's kind of ironic, but H said something when he took me to the bank to take me off his bank accounts. As hard as I tried to be strong and unemotional, it was obvious I was upset. I saw it as one of those steps to the final parting of the ways (and that was over a year ago). He said, "We haven't done anything we can't undo." And, he has undone it although he still insists he wants to live separate lives.
That comment has stuck with me. He can renew his lease on his apt, move out of the house, get involved with another OW, file for D, even go through with the D, but all those things can be undone if at some point in the future we decide we want to try to reconcile. Nothing is written in stone.
In the meantime, you are on the right path. It's tough to find the motivation to get out there and actually enjoy GAL, but once you start, it becomes easier and easier. As others have said, use the time to do things you've always wanted to do but never did. I've traveled to places he was never interested in visiting. Redecorating is always a great mood booster and it gives you the opportunity to make your home yours. I look at my home as my "safe place." There is no one here who will hurt me unless I choose to let them in.
Hang in there. It does get easier and you will get stronger.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
