Well I felt myself giving me a hard time last night. You could have been better at PMA you should not have ignored him when he said good night ect. I then turned the thoughts to I can choose to do better next time. We have had pleasant interactions for two days. I will choose to not get upset when he goes out with friends and OW tonight because he did make an effort to spend time with me on Friday. I will choose to simply say ok and listen to my feeling and decide I will be ok. It was very hard as I was exhausted running on 2 hours of sleep but I did it. He came home last night (the last few weekends he has not come home if we do not have the kids) it was 6 am but he said he feel asleep at neighbors also his best friends. They drove together to bar so I have no reason I guess to doubt that. If he stayed with OW he would not have come home as a bunch of them are going tubing today.
I was also kind this morning when he got up to leave for tubing simply asked for the debit card and said have a good day after he said it to me.
So changes I have made in the last few days is a positive self talk, praying for guidance, positive interactions, thanking him for cleaning ect, (usually I pick apart what he has not done). I have not sent a lot of texts or calls
Changes it has caused: He took me out, he came home last night, he has positive towards me.
Yes I understand at the drop of a hat this can all change but it seems to be moving me closer to my goal or positive interactions.
I have had no expectations the last few days also. I would usually come home upset saturdays because he slept all day or worked on racecar all day and did nothing around the house. He does very little durring the week so i was expecting him to clean on weekends. I came home yesterday the entire drive home telling myself no expectations if it is not clean I have all day sunday to do it. It is not just one persons responsibility and it will be ok if it is not done. HA tricked me it was done and i was so happy. usually i set myself up for failure because i have convinced myself it wont be done putting myself in a bad mood and then when it is done I am already anxious from my own thoughts i find fault in him doing it. I convinced myself yesterday it did not matter no expectations and when I saw it cleaned I was HAPPY THANKFUL AND APPRECIATIVE. Changing thought patterns can change moods/outcomes. I feel even if it was not done I would not have been upset I had already come to terms it was not just one persons responsibility and I have days I dont want to do anything either.! Just feeling proud of the weekend
