I believe each marriage and person within has a different expectation of what they want.
What I have now is a bit more than 3 months ago superficially speaking. Intimacy wise I can touch her but she will not respond. I can hold her hand but she will not close her grip. She will not initiate any contact no matter how small. I am not even talking about sex, that at the mo is Sci-Fi.
Only reason I am sleeping in MB is because I read here it was important so I decided to move. She got the hump but learned I was here to stay and she had 2 options, the spare or the couch.
A month before everything blew up she wanted an expensive sports watch so I did some numbers told her it was expensive but got it. I didnt get a thanks or hug or anything. I let it slide. When I discovered the pics a couple of them were with her wearing it.
The week before everything went up **** creek she sent me images of some stickers with phrases she put on the bedroom doors and I complimented her. I thought that was a good sign. The day before S day we met inlaws at supermarket and she proudly showed them the new company vehicle I got.
On S Day we had a normal cool day at lunch, she left happy said bye to us as she supposedly left for gym. And then I catch her with the OM and see that she sent image with words .. I really miss you ... that very same day.
As you can see, superficially for some these co actions as a couple seem positive but with me looking back they mean nothing as there was no gesture, loving action, I don't know ... something more intimate or personal.
What I have now is the same with a minor improvement in our interaction but still zero affectionate wise.
She thinks I am just referring to sex no matter how many examples of non sex related I give she could have done.
Without this reassurance everything else is just shaky and I cannot move ahead. She won't even tell me to STFU, that she will give it a go or that she wont. when I read other posts I see the WAS or WS wanting out, getting a life on their own. She can't so the more reason I feel she is trapped and whenever she gets a chance will fly away and again this feeling of being used which I consider worse than an EA or PA. The others happen and you get caught up in strong emotions. With this it is more premeditated and calculated.
Another point is that my company wants me emigrate next year with 2 possible locations and next week I will have talks. If I felt secure about her and me I would postpone as much as possible as she will have issues regarding her family even though she would benefit professionally and I think as a couple it would also be a fresh start. If she wants out I would count my losses, sell the appartment and move to a fresh start even though I know it will mean her ending up a divorced 47 year old, living with her parents and no income in a country with high unemployment rate. Add to that our son also wants to emigrate. Thats hurts me a lot and I really really dont want that to happen but I am also tired of living in an insecure relationship.
Anyway, last night I told her to think about what she wants to do. I don't want to end this but can't keep on living like this as everytime I bring it up I end up being the bad guy. If I leave it alone she will again get comfortable with this type of relationship as she has done for years and i will be stuck which I dont want to be.
