H has started an affair

[25yearsmlc]

It will be a slow progress, but I keep telling myself this will be for my own good no matter what...

It's imperative. I've never seen anyone successfully affair-bust or Divorce-bust without a really good GAL plan. It builds your own self-confidence, and it re-attracts your spouse, and it has the side benefit that if your spouse DOESN'T come to their senses, you're then all that much more emotionally and physically healthy for the next guy!


Starsky

I cannot stress this^^ (GAL) enough. There is one reason we hammer it so much

IT WORKS.

You will be happier, which you deserve to be -- and it makes you more attractive than you may realize, yet "getting him back" cannot be the "focus" of GAL.

(Your happiness and growth are the focus).

There is no situation here, that GAL does not help, regardless of ultimate outcome


but GAL does increase the chances of a good outcome!


For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, even in the winter.

(FYI I had 3 kids, including a baby then. I'm sorry but I don't want to hear about how you are 'too busy' to GAL....if you really take in what we are saying you will realize you cannot be too busy to LIVE WELL...which is the essence of GAL.

Inertia is the greatest enemy to GAL. Fear & complacency play a role in that too. ALL those factors probably helped get you here, so when you overcome these factors, you are essentially countering the negative images he has of you


with positives and "New data". You want to counter those negatives that he uses to justify his confusion or desire for OW,


with the new improved you.

= His data about you is either inaccurate and or Out of date.

Overcome the inertia/fears, & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life. IMO, the more you overcome inertia, the better your R's will be with all people, including your h...

I volunteered at a battered women's shelter.

I coached a girl's softball team, two summers (my older D was on it).

I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (b/c our son wrestled).

I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast often, too.

I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it). I did a whole set once on a MLCs at the Improv. It went very well.

I learned to cross country ski, & I became a better shooter.

I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.

I learned to use a snowmobile ("snow machine" to Alaskans)
I loved riding it.

Learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license.

Went skydiving. Loved it so much I did it again. And plan on doing it again, soon!

I Edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. Who knew?)

I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I really did get in excellent physical shape. Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs. Some gyms have cheap/free daycare on site.

(Since I'd just had our last child, I needed to lose the baby weight. It was NOT easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly cold of their LONG winters).

I Saw a therapist and for some months, I went on ADs.

Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I really liked it a lot).

Joined the Officer's Wives club after 15 years of active duty and ignoring them.

(Wish I had joined sooner! Met two women there, who are life long friends to this day.)

Joined a writer's group
Took a class in Conversational French
Took a class in Italian cooking

There is more, and I'm sure wherever you live, it can't be as remote as the middle of Alaska was...

Remember that while there are

No guarantees your WAS will suddenly awaken and return, fully committed,

there is one guarantee in this ordeal of ours. IF WE WORK ON OURSELVES< WE BECOME BETTER, HAPPIER, MORE LOVING PEOPLE...

and sometimes that has to be enough.

The paradox of all this is that we start doing all this "self improvment/growth" stuff because we fear losing our marriage.

But we eventually do it b/c we realize we were losing ourselves and so no matter what, we get ourselves back.

Sometimes that means the WAS sees the person he/she fell in love with originally and things work out well...and sometimes that doesn't happen.

But regardless of what they do or how they react, WE are better for it.

So your task now is to Ask yourself what you can:

JOIN or

STUDY or

VISIT or

EXPLORE or

VOLUNTEER FOR or

AUDITION FOR or

TEACH or

COACH or CREATE --

this month... And keep us posted!

GOOD LUCK!

******