I am learning that I need to shut up about the affair. He is 500 miles away and it is a texting thing. She has seen him im sure when she visits her mom. I thought that part of 180 was to show that I am moving on. I am committed to the marriage. I have lost about 35 pounds and I need to drop about 10 more but I would like another 15 to 20. I need to work on my attitude. I get so frustrated. I have just been being very polite to her. Ive asked her to go shopping with me and my daughter knowing she would say no but I asked anyway. She still may move back to her mom's but I really don't believe she will be happy. I have seen evidence that her EA has pushed her away so hopefully that will help some.
Mavrik, I know this is hard. I know you are scared. I also know you are spending way to much time focusing on her and what she might do. It is REALLY hard not to. Also trying to figure out what is happening with her EA is a waste of time. My WW moved over 1000 miles away. She left her 2 young children here. She stole from her 21 year old daughter and damaged their relationship. She started out as EA and then picked up and moved. My WW has done things I never thought she would ever do.
In house separation is very difficult. If she is still having an EA, you would be better to move on as if she was moving out tomorrow. You know that old saying if you love something set it free! Be the bigger man and worry about you and your kids. Hang in there! It will get better. I was in the same place as you when I got here.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Yes I have started reading the links. My question here is it seems like so many of th people th a want to help lost their spouse. Their spouses left never came back. So I that I true why not just say it a lost cause. I truly believe thing Will ot change unless she leaves an see things aren't greener on th other side and sees what she lost
Yes I have started reading the links. My question here is it seems like so many of th people th a want to help lost their spouse. Their spouses left never came back. So I that I true why not just say it a lost cause.
1) Read. The. Links. 2) The people that come here are already lost causes. That ANY of them have succeeded is incredible. Ive seen at least 5 or 6 spouses return since Ive been here - maybe one a month. Im guessing there are more that I cant think of off the top of my head. Id say thats pretty good. I would also guess that there would be more, but people are impatient and so they prematurely write the end of their own story. 3) I believe you are defining success as "marriage restored". I believe that there are a lot more success stories out there. Poeple that come here completely broken, and leave restored, marriage or not.
Originally Posted By: Mavrik
I truly believe thing Will ot change unless she leaves an see things aren't greener on th other side and sees what she lost
Seems like solid advice. Have you been advised otherwise here?
Things are about the same. My wife is in depression. She goes to sleep anywhere between 6:30pm to 8:30pm and sometimes she doesn't eat. I tried one night to get her to eat because I told her it was not healthy but she would not. She always used to say, "Hey" when one of us would come home. Now she has started saying Hello. Why. It's almost like its more inpersonal. I have been working out of town for the last 2 days. We did not talk at all. My 17d will not talk to her. She continues to look for work in Pa. I am trying to leave her alone. Speak to her and try to talk. Tonight I asked how things were at work and has she been working late. She is not very talkative. Like I said she is depressed because neither of her daughters are talking to her and she is struggling with her grief from her dad's death.
Ok so my wife tells me today that they is no her and the other guy but there is also no her and me. Says she will never trust me again because over this whole time period of her talking to another man I have Tracked her phone, followed her (i didnt) haved her email and facebook. But she was having an affair so I don't see the problem. One thing I don't think I have ever said, I am a private investigator.... This is what I do for a living. she should have known that I would do this. How do I recover from this and get her to trust me again. I want to work this marriage out.
Ok so my wife tells me today that they is no her and the other guy but there is also no her and me. Says she will never trust me again because over this whole time period of her talking to another man I have Tracked her phone, followed her (i didnt) haved her email and facebook. But she was having an affair so I don't see the problem. One thing I don't think I have ever said, I am a private investigator.... This is what I do for a living. she should have known that I would do this. How do I recover from this and get her to trust me again. I want to work this marriage out.
That's typical spew out of a WW. Turn the tables on you, and say that YOU broke the trust. It's crazy talk but the kind of thing you have to expect. Sounds like she is nowhere near being remorseful. She hasn't experienced consequences as a result of the A, and is still in full wayward mode.
Not sure where you go from here. Maybe some of the vets will have ideas. Right now, your W doesn't want to be in a M with you and it's doubtful her mind is going to change if your sitch doesn't change. Even if the current A is over, don't be surprised if she's on the lookout for another OM to start a brand new A. My WW went through 3 different OM over a period of almost 5 years before I finally discovered the truth, and then she left me to live with the 4th OM 7 months ago.
A WW will not simply snap out her fog. You need to somehow wake her up and that's going to take serious action on your part, which likely involves sending her the message loud and clear that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. She needs to feel that she is losing you. Right now, she has you wrapped around her little finger, enjoying all the benefits of being married with none of the commitment. Time to get serious and show her she can't be a cake eater.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
That's right. The only way is for her to venture out to the "greener grass" to find out whether it is truly "greener". The vets on the forum will all tell you this: you have no control over what she does. You must release and relinquish any attempt or desire to control her actions. Azzork is usually he||bent on driving home one theme: the majority of WAS's are already gone and it is a miracle to see ANY of these marriage restored. As much as I hate to say it, I would agree with that. Most people do not learn from these types of mistakes until many years down the road when they are sad and miserable people. Some never realize what they've done at all. Having said that, I am wishing you the best in your situation. I can tell you this from reading other people's stories: the faster you drop the rope, get a life, and genuinely let her make her own decisions, the better chance you will have at reconciliation. God be with you sir.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
