RD Movin on 9

[jim0987]

Evening RD,

I hope your having a good weekend.

You and your situation have been vexing me.....

I just want to go back to a post at the end of your last thread where you posted your Pros and Cons list. I hope you dont my indulging my queries.

Pros

1. I love who EXW used to be.
2. EXW stood by me through thick and thin sickness and business
3. I think EXW is going through something Breakdown , MLC or the like
4. I believe ( most days ) that OM is a freind and maybe a n escape but no t romantic
5. Through all of this EXW has been ok. No real spew that I read others getting and left me with everything save for a few hundred euro a month
6. I see EXW and how much stress etc she is under. She was never a large woman but now she is a size 6 - 8 and obviously living a very unhappy life
7 My heart tells me that she is very lost and maybe that's forever but maybe not
8. My kids. life would be better for them as a family and even for their kids

Cons

1. EXW has shown she is a liar , very selfish and not who I thought she was
2. Could I ever let go of thoughts of her and OM
3. Would a new R work and if not could I go through all that pain again
4. Would I wonder her reasons for coming back
5. How would / could the trust ever be restored when I have my issues re trust

it struck me that this list was a fair few ifs, buts and maybes and also lacked some definitives.

So starting with the cons side of things - forgiveness is always possible and unless you are going to live completely closed off then there are never any guarantees that you wont get hurt. with the right support and the right attitude you can get over these things so they are challenges rather than cons.

So if you strip the challenges out your left with just the first one on the cons list - is this too much? What if you viewed this all as she got sick, and that her behavior is just a side affect?

On the pros list, which ones are reasons you would want to reconcile? and which are reasons why you think it might be possible?

and for me here is the key question - At BD she wanted to stay with you just not be intimate. If you could be back at that point what would you say now with all you've learnt?

I'm asking all this because when i read your posts i get a very different sense from what is happening compared to so many others on here - almost like its a question of belief its possible and knowing how which is the biggest barrier to trying.

i dont know i might be on entirely the wrong track, if i am just ignore me.

Take care RD