Wife says "NO" and acting like I have no rights

[asitis]

Sounds like your admitted control issue springing up. Check that impulse, as it will not go over well.

She is actually right on the mixed messages to the kids right now. At the outset it is best to maintain firm boundaries that you can choose to relax in time, but mom & the kids coming back even if it is just for a night, will be emotionally confusing and difficult for the kids.

Just let you and the kids focus on each other and enjoy your time with them. Let her get some time to do some things on her own.

Yes, it is better to let her struggle with being away from the kids. If this is a first time, I imagine some of her unhappiness comes from that overload. She is long overdue to have some time apart for herself. Second, she is choosing a path that will mean part of the time she will not have her kids. You need to let her experience that reality for herself. She may actually like it (at least at first) if she has felt trapped and unable to do things just for herself, but she will also likely feel some regret & remorse. In time the novelty of getting so much time to herself will wear off, but the regret and remorse will remain (esp. as she faces more time away from kids than just a single night). Be aware that if she does want to reconcile, giving her time for herself is going to be one of the things you will have to work on.

There will be time after things have settled a bit for casual, no-stakes invitations for family events. Just let her have her time.