Difrent's Detachment - Attempts at It, Anyway

[PigPen]

Not sure if I'm reading all of the financials right Dif, but could the company pay for you to rent a place until the tenant leaves?

Whether the tenant leaves or the company pays your rent, it's still a loss to the company either way no?

As with all of our situations, emotion comes into the play with the decisions. What would you recommend to a friend that's in the same spot?

PP

[DifRent]

Oh, the finances are tricky, PP. The company could. But our plan was the most financially prudent. The thing is, my W's biggest stressor right now is money. She wants to rent our place for the cash flow (we could afford it together, but she's moved on, you see). This particular place does not have a mortgage, and I'd just pay taxes and utilities, basically. Everything else would still cash flow, including the family home.

If the tenant stays, her rent has to go to an account that's not liquid... it's a bit complicated. And yes, my emotions are running high. She went and bought a place - half of it with a loan from the OW! - that she never consulted me about, in a terrible neighborhood. And besides, I'm sure at this point, she never really plans to live there... she's all but moved into the new house the OW just bought anyway. Two homes for her, 12 homes we own together, but nowhere for me to go as of this moment? Not unless I put my foot down...

I am not sure what I'd recommend to a friend in the same spot. I'm kind of hung up on all the times she said we'd always take care of me and never ever hurt me. Which is why I'm posting here, so all you objective friends can help me sort this out! Ugh...

Thanks, PP...

[Wonka]

Diff,

Why don't you seek the legal guidance from an attorney who specializes in RETI? Or a CPA who specializes in RETI.

[WhyUs]

Difrent,

Your in luck. I happen to be a CPA and I dabble a bit in real estate. My first questions for you: What is the structure of the business. I am asuming LLC. What percentage ownership do you have? Is the property deeded in the business name? Were any of the property's purchased prior to marriage?

[DifRent]

Hey WhyUs... how fortuitous! So, yes, it's an LLC. I own 30%, but I have equal rights in all decisions we make. When we structured the company this way, we did so for all those tax reasons... made more sense for her to take more losses because of her higher income. The property is deeded in the business's name, and none of the properties were purchased prior to our relationship. We are not legally married.

Our real estate attorney is the best, but since my W is a realtor and uses her all the time now, I can't consult her about any of this. In fact, I'm sure she'd refuse to represent either of us in a conflict against the other, since she is friends to both of us and, believe it or not, doesn't even yet know what's going on with our relationship!

Anyway, I just found all this out tonight, so I haven't had the time or opportunity to reach out to professionals yet. I want to get a DB perspective before I got legal counsel... she's not necessarily being adversarial right now. She's probably just feeling even more guilty, pressured, and torn about things. I don't want to add more to all that's on her plate right now, but I also don't want to get screwed.

Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions!

[WhyUs]

You are wise to get a DB perspective. I would caution not to allow her to change the business structure in anyway until you have consulted an attorney.

I would suspect that from a legal perspective she does not have to let you use one of the property's unless you are going to pay the rent that was being paid by a tenant. If the property's were in your personal name I would say otherwise.

I hope you are able to work this out. From you perspective it seems as though you are trying to be reasonable regarding the properties. However, I suspect that right now you are the only one in the relationship thinking that way.

[DifRent]

Thanks, WhyUs... no, she won't be able to change the structure on her own, so that's no issue. And legally, I suspect you're probably right about the rent situation. I think I can leverage some of what she owes me in the company buyout. I just don't want to do anything that a) lets her walk over me like a doormat, or b) foments further division between us. Got to find that fine line between the two.

Have yet to hear back on the situation. And interestingly, I'm quite detached about it all right now. Kids are here, older son is fixing a late dinner, younger son has me watching some stupid funny cartoon. Detachment is working tonight. I'm on the roller coaster where it isn't always. But right now, it's sweet.

Thanks WhyUs!

[DifRent]

Well, she is here at the moment. Typically when she's here, she goes up to the office to work and we aren't in each other's space. But this morning, she poured herself some coffee, got out her computer, and came to sit down on the couch very close to me. She's been making small talk, she's being pleasant. This hasn't happened in I don't know how long, and it almost feels like the days when we were together. Surreal.

OW must have plans today!

Other than that brief thought, I'm not going to mindread or overanalyze, and while this is out of the blue, atypical behavior of late, I'm actually feeling quite detached from her.

But she really looks gaunt. And seems stressed, it's all over her face. If I weren't feeling detached, I would almost feel sorry for her.

The good news is, it seems like the townhouse situation will resolve itself, so I haven't had to be firm about anything. Going to look at some land this afternoon and focus on the real move I want to make, into the place I'm going to build. And then I'm heading to Mom's for a few days, with plans to visit some friends down there, too.

PMA today. Some days, it's easier than others.

[DifRent]

So, I've had a pretty good weekend away from the house at my mom's, as I tend to do when I'm down here. This porch of hers is so peaceful, such a haven for which I am so thankful. And my mom is a saint. She listens, she prays, she loves me, and she loves my W. I couldn't be more blessed than I am with her.

I didn't know my WW was headed off for a beach trip this weekend, but someone who still follows her on Facebook brought it to my attention this afternoon, as WW had posted photos. Only of herself, of course. No evidence yet of the OW for the public. Apparently, someone even commented along the lines of, "Hope you and Dif are having a wonderful time!!!"

Can't help but slog through a few hours of sadness when I know these things. I'd love to say I'm this incredibly strong soul who is perfectly detached. But alas, I'm not. I miss her. I mean... I miss who she used to be, and what we used to share.

I couldn't help but think back to a year ago today... a year ago at this very hour, in fact. I had just flown in from our nearly month-long vacation in Albania. Such a long flight back, 24 hours-plus of travel. She and I had a coffee and croissant at the airport in Tirana at some ungodly hour of the morning before she kissed me and I embarked on the long journey home, but our goodbyes weren't sad at all.

She was due to fly home just four days later, so that we could begin to build our business and a solid life here in the US, one where she wouldn't be traveling so much or stuck in godforsaken countries like Afghanistan.

It was a good plan, we thought.

When my final flight finally landed here after several delays, just a five minute drive from our home, they had lost my luggage. It was no problem, just amusing - the luggage arrived on the doorstep before midnight. My boys picked me up at the airport, we went out for dinner, and I was exhausted but so happy to be home with them, and so happy to collapse in my W's and my bed. No sleep is sweeter than the one that comes on the heels of flying for 24 hours... especially when you know your beloved is not far behind.

Truth be told, we dealt with a lot of stress and angst right out of the gate once she returned. But I accepted all that for what it was... the stress that comes with making such a big life transition. I never in a million years thought it would lead to all this.

But, it is what is is.

In any case, I tried today to focus on the fact that I think I found some land, finally, to build my new place. Building the house is the easy part... finding the land has been the challenge. It's not exactly what I want, but if I wait for perfection on this count, it could be years. I just know that moving forward with this plan will be a key factor in moving forward with my life. And that's exactly what I need to do.

It's not easy, though. It's not even been four months since she's turned my world upside down. I just hope and pray that when I wake tomorrow, I will be driven and determined to do the right things for me. Some days, I am. But a little more often than not, I'm still just shellshocked, and wishing this nightmare would end and we'd wake up to what we had before.

Sorry for rambling and venting, but this is where I can ramble and vent without judgment or people thinking I'm crazy for standing. No one in my world knows what I'm going through like all of you do. Peace.

[DifRent]

Well, almost to 100 posts in this thread, and I think I'm going to quit posting... at least for a while. I have certainly found so much help and support here, but WW and I are all but full on into no contact right now, and I know what I have to do moving forward. It's hard. It [censored]. But I just have to do it.

Thanks to everyone here for being such a lifeline. I hope I can come back in the not too distant future and give a positive report on things, no matter how those things turn out.

You're all in my thoughts and prayers.