Last night had a bust up with W over the no intimacy thing. I have been giving this a lot of thought and to be honest I think it was staring me in the face but I was completely missing it.
I see other H&W enduring a lot of crap but still ML even when they know their S is with OW/M. Some of them even get hugs and kisses while things are tense.
If things are better on one level where you talk, smile, laugh, sleep in same bed and there are hints from your S of a future together why is it so damn hard to give a hug, kiss or some other sign of affection....unless of course you don't love the person as a lover or spouse.
I always initiated contact but never got a reply and even in bed if i touched her i noticed it was uncomfortable feeling. Here also lied my confusion, on the one hand being loving and her friend made us advance to this stage where we maxed out. If I changed the action and detached it created some tension so following MWD advice I did more of what worked and less of what didn't or did I?
Anyway I told her last Monday I was not going to keep on being in a half marriage. For her it does seem perfect as it was the type of marriage we had until now (me giving her space and everything I have to offer money wise). The problem was when I found out about the EA. So I see again a pattern of comfort for her where she again has everything with the only price now that I sleep in the same bed. She btw has been out of a job for 2.5 years.
I therefore called her out, If I was to live in a half marriage being friendly but not being able to get what I find a deal breaker - affection - then why should she have all the benefits of a 100% committed wife if she still feels this ILYB... emotion. The moment she decides to take the step to really committ will she also have my full 100% commitment.
Obviously I can't employ the same emotionally detach symptom so I pulled her first privilege. Took away her smartphone and gave her a normal phone where she can sms and navigate and call but its not the S6 anymore. her reaction was really really disturbing. She blew a fit, threatened to break my PC which I use for work, struggled to take it from me but with no luck and ended up kicking, punching and scratching me. I did not react and let her hit me (did not hurt physically as I do martial arts and weights and have a 70lbs weight advantage over her). I have never laid a hand on her. Once she was finished she got dressed, lef and drove off in her car. That was early morning and 4 hours later arrived home to do house chores.
I don't know if I did the right thing but I really am tired and running very low on fuel. I have a chance to change country and live elsewhere but it is a big step and I do not know if I have the strength to do it.
Doing so also has a lot of complications as our son is still at home and would have to either move abroad with me or go live with his mother at his grandparents appartment (says he would not do that). Additionally I would still have to pay off a small amount.
I am really torn in 2 and have no idea what to do.
Yes I love her, no I do not want to D her but if you divide the relationship level in 2 parts with A the day to day friendly interaction with B the intimate physical interaction we would be in say A7 B0 how can I be expected to live a married life with these differences?
