Time to make changes

[joss]

Hi. This is the first post on this site although my H has been in MLC for 4.5 years (since April 2011) when I found out he was having an emotional affair with a work colleague. Stupidly, I allowed him to stay at home with myself and our 3 children (8, 14 and 15)thinking it would all blow over (I didn't know about MLC until last year). This has caused me no end of distress and pain.

1 year ago he told me the EA was over and that it had dwindled due to her changing jobs. However, last week I found a note from him to her saying 'come and find me and we'll start a new life together' among many other things. It seems things have never changed for him in all this time. OW has 4 children and a husband (who my H works with).She is in love with my H (he's told me a couple of times).

According to H, OW offers him an intellectual challenge which I don't. I have always known that he thrives on debate and is academically brilliant, in fact, just the opposite of me.

I am not sure if H is having a MLC of if this is 'just' an affair after realizing that there is a much better option out there. However, he shows all the major signs of MLC (wanting to be alone, wanting the run away, constant pre-occupation with death, being in deep depression, feeling time is running out to 'make his mark', feeling resentful of me for not working (I brought our children over 10 years, one of whom is autistic).

He has told me he has never wanted to leave me. He has continued to be very generous with his money, supporting us all as a family and me in my new business ventures (i am self employed).

2 weeks ago, on finding the note, I asked him to leave.I haven't spoken to him since and feel like I am through. I feel completely deceived and want no more part in that deception.

After spending the last 2 weeks alone, I have finally realised I played a large part in his MLC due to my childhood issues and their effects on my personality/development. I think now is a good time to start to change these things about myself, to become a better person. I recognize I am in need of guidence and help, and after reading posts from others, I think I have come to the right place.

Thank you all in advance.

Joss