It's time to change.

[joss]

Hi. I am new here, although unfortunately not new to MLC. My H has been having an EA since April 2011 (4.5 years) with a work colleague. They both became close as a result of being threatened with redundancy together. H had to apply for another job in the company that he didn't want (and hates to this day) just to pay the bills. He resents me for this.

I allowed him to stay home with myself and the chldren (ages 8, 14 and 15) as he kept telling me he didn't want to leave or split up our family and that he'd stop his relationship. However, I saw a message from H to OW last week by accident asking her to come and find him and they would go and find a new life together. I asked him to leave. I have been unable to talk to him since. I have been so stupid to allow him stay for so long, making my life very sad. I feel that I am through. I am sick of the disrespect.

For the past 6 months he has been severely depressed - constantly looking out of the window and withdrawing. Little interaction with the children. None with me. No physical tough. He told me his relationship had finished so I assumed it was OW withdrawal, along with reaching rock bottom. But no. He was withdrawn because of the guilt. He told me he never wanted to leave me and the kids. Yet he refuses/is unable to leave OW.

I have been reading some people's threads on this site and the tone of the guidence/help offered is very considered and helpful. Since H has been gone (2 weeks) a lot of things have come up in my head, telling me that I have participated much more than I previously though in H's MLC. I know I didn't cause it, but I know I have contributed to it and would appreciate help in recognising where I've been going wrong. It is strange that with a bit of head-space, how differently we see the world. It is time to change.

Thank you all in advance for any help offered.

Joss