Sleeping Beauty and the Jedi

[mleigh4]

Hi there. You are getting me to worry about you lately. URworthy hit on a lot of things.

I am no expert but this is what I see. You of course love your W and want your M to work, but you are still working through many issues resulting from the past couple of years, mainly the A. A biggie. You seem very wary if you can trust her motives and unsure just how much you will put up with, or even put in to this..Seems you want to be all in, but only if she is first.

Your W is still working on so many things. She is dealing with facing what she has done, losing and starting a new job, having you back in her life to work on the M and having a full time family again. She is also aware you are watching her every move. That's a lot for someone who has it all together let alone someone who is just coming out of a fog.

You both have so much going on inside still, are you sure you aren't moving things a little quick? Is it possible to extend your lease, and try dating and getting to know each other slowly again, to begin a new R? I just worry that moving back in together so quickly is creating a lot of pressure for you both. I know before you had said you didn't feel it was too quick, but if you had just met someone, would you live together after 3 months? IDK, seems like when the spouse comes out of the fog, the R should be treated as starting a whole new one all over again. At least that is how I see it and would want to with my H if the option came...I think taking it very slowly would be the best way for 2 wary and unsure people to have the chance to sort things out in regards to their feelings about their spouse and themselves.

As for sleeping on the couch....you are using that as a punishment, right? I can honestly say, having my H live in the house with me but sleep in a different bed has been one of the most painful memories of this whole mess, a true slap in the face, total rejection. I did an entire cleansing of that room, incense and all, and I still get whiffs of his cologne that bring on a wave of sadness and horrible memories. Please try to work on this.

Cali, you know we are all rooting for you and I am one of your biggest fans. I want to see you and your W on the reconciled list! Take some time to step back, what do you think can help you both to work through this? Think of the big picture, what feels right to you?