Ha! No, I was refering to my H's OW. She deleted her FB account. I was asking if your H was mad that you texted OW? I am sure you were livid!!
Yes, my H is finding all kinds of excuses. He told me that he is not wanting to be in long term relationship with her. Just meeting needs. I wonder if she knows that?! What is the saying...if their lips are moving they are lying. He is in the thick of the fog right now and nothing will change until that starts to wear off. He had the gall to demand me to unpack his stuff and put it back. I just laughed and said no. The bags are still all thrown in the spare bedroom. He was so angry and said I was totally unjustified in trying to kick him out. Asked me how I would have felt if he did that because I was not meeting his needs?Hasn't come home all week.
Last edited by BT13; 08/21/1509:47 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Ha. There are three reasons a WAS indicates things are going bad with the A:
1. Temp check 2. Cake eating 3. Covering up the truth
STBX always did that as well. I could copy many clips of emails she has sent me almost identical. 'I'm not looking for anything serious so you don't have to worry about that'. 'XXX and I broke up if you even care'. 'We're just friends with benefits. He's never going to be someone I'm serious with'. 'It's just nice to be free to be myself and spend time with people that like me for me'.
Whatever. The one thing it ISN'T is remorse, and a desire to work on your R. Clearly you know that.
As for the whole checking thing, I think the reason I feel so sensitive about it is that I'm still so jaded. Right now I can't even imagine dating another woman. First off, I'm M. But beyond that, if I were looking, if that woman gave me even the TEENSIEST WEENSIEST hint that she was keeping a plan B available, I would be pretty put off. So I'm not saying it's right, normal, or that you're wrong to feel differently. Just that I'm in a very sensitive place right now.
Still, I do choose to be trusting. The day that I am ready for my next and hopefully last partner I will still go all in. As much as I have lost in this D, as badly as I've been hurt, I have no regrets. I'd rather give my partner my trust with my heart and soul, even if I lose everything, than to live in an R where I am trying to avoid becoming too dependent.
Anyway, thanks for talking about it. I get that you didn't know it was an issue for him and you accommodated it anyway. What are you going to do? At the end of the day we're all different people. M is about working through that, not punting. Thank you DB people for keeping me from believing the entire world is a big walk-away party.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
So much for the emotion I saw from H on Tuesday. H just stopped by the house to change his oil and grab somethings. Only projected anger/spew towards me even though I was pleasant and made sure to STFU. At one point, I went to open door for him as he was carrying stuff out and he was a$$ about it. He is not happy that I packed his stuff up, but I am not letting it to allow me to waiver in the validity of my decision. At one point he said he was sorry you felt the need to do what you did. I did not project anger at all today. He took some stuff, including the file box I had in my room with tax and mortgage info. Guess he plans on filing after all?? I just kept telling myself to be the better person.
We were speaking about WAS and pets earlier today, so was interesting that when H was here, he asked me if I had anymore trips planned as he plans on staying in house during my upcoming trips to spend time with the dog. Again, last 5 months he has done zero with the dog. I told him I had the kennel booked, but he said I would cancel. I don't see a need to be disagreeable about that. It saves us money and it is his dog too.
Back to yard work!
Last edited by BT13; 08/22/1507:37 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Did he walk out of the house with all of your tax and mortgage paperwork? Does he have a place he lives? And do you have copies?
Sounds like you are doing really well... You sound calm and collected. Yard work is great, I was out there for hours myself today. It really helps to get physically tired.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Just an update. I have decided to proceed with D. My H is acting like I never would have expected. My packing up his things has turned him into a monster. It has gotten to the point of no return and there is no way I can be M to this person. I am not a mental health worker, but I 100% believe that my H is a narcissist. This is one of the worst types you can go through D with. It is clear he is going to try an bully his way through this process. I found out last night he has been recording our talks all week. I can no longer talk to him and will have to deal purely through L. I will be filing today if my H has not already done so.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
H was able to push my buttons (and me yesterday) and then conveniently record some not so favorable stuff and then latter said you are not too smart. Also calked me stupid. He can no longer be trusted.
The irony is yesterday my mom reminded me that at some point before we married, we were at a mall (with my H). A guy that we did not know walked up and said don't marry that guy. I had no memory of it and I am sure he was joking?! Maybe I should gave listened. I went ahead and filled her in more as to what he has been saying and doing and she cannot believe I am taking about my H. She is just flabbergasted.
Never in a million years thought we would be here.
Last edited by BT13; 08/24/1512:39 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BT, I am so sorry your sitch has really degraded recently. I can't believe that he's been recording you all week. Of course, anything that is on the tapes cannot be used even for divorce filings as it was done without your permission.
It's amazing how much a person can change and how quickly it can happen as well.
You are doing amazing with yourself. Just remind yourself that this too will pass.
*hugs* E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Actually, in my state you can do this legally as long as one party knows the taping is happening--in this case my H. And, yes, he could use in court. my L said that he has not had this happen in 20 years, so my H would be an a$$ to try it.
Yes, has gone down hill fast. I can't even explain how hurtful it has been to see my H act the way he has toward me this week. I guess I was suppose to sit quiet and be a doormat. He keeps threatening what he will do if I use L. Ugh...A or no A, there is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. I asked myself what I would advise a daughter if I had one in this situation. I would hands down tell her to file and leave. Time to move on now that I have moved forward.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Yard work is great, I was out there for hours myself today. It really helps to get physically tired.