Thank you again everyone - I'm so appreciative of all the warm posts.
Anyway, yesterday was the 4 month "anniversary" of my separation and one month "anniversary" of the start of this thread. I've been trying to stock of where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. In the time since the separation, I've probably spent less than 15 hrs with my wife and most of that has been in MC or with the lawyers. All of that time without her is giving me the space I need to become the person I want to be. Here's where I've been:
GAL - I've been going to board game night every Monday. These are all new people that I've met since BD. We play until after midnight every week. I've made some great friends, and it feel like I'm part of the "in" crowd. - I've started playing Pathfinder every other Wednesday with a group of one of my pre-BD friends. Not sure I love it, but it's good to get out and hang out with new people. And it keeps me and my brain occupied. - my fantasy football league from before BD has folded due to this D, but I've started a new one with all of my old college roommates and we draft next weekend. I'm really excited! - I've upped my wardrobe. I've lost 20 lbs since BD. I'd like to lose another 10 or so, but I'm pretty happy at 170. I need to get to the gym more, but I'm too damn busy! I've cut my hair really short and started "wearing" a stubbly beard. I feel and probably look as good as I have since my wedding. - I've been trying to get out with friends on other days as much as possible. But with the kids half the time and my other commitments, there's not much time left! Was able to sneak out for Game of Thrones and True Detective while they were on. New Sunday show is going to be football. - I tried a couple of other things - a divorce support group, a different game night - but they didn't work out for one reason or another.
Parenting - I've done all KINDS of GAL-type stuff with my girls. We've been to several museums, the spray park, the pool (a ton), to friend's houses for parties. Tomorrow, we are going to a Corn roast and Sunday is a party for work. I try to do something interesting (at least going swimming if nothing else) every weekend day I have them. Before BD, it was basically the zoo or just go to stores. Haven't been to the zoo with them all summer. - I'm also doing a better job of being a responsible parent. Took D3 to the doctor, took us all to the dentist, taking D6 to meet her teacher next week, got D3 potty trained and binky-free, and so on. - I'm trying to improve my relationship with them in the way that I deal with them. I'm working to be patient. I'm working to be more "fun". It's hard, but I think I'm slowly making progress.
Me Here's the hard part, right? - first and foremost, I'm just plain HAPPY now. Between all the stuff up there and the kids and work, I'm always doing something and doing something I LIKE. I'm enjoying my job more, I'm enjoying my kids more...I'm just enjoying living my LIFE more. - I'm working on a lot of personality traits - I want to be a better listener, I want to be better at "small talk", I want to enjoy interacting with people. I think a lot of that comes from confidence. While it's hard to measure, I truly think I am succeeding so far. - I've bitten my nails some, but I've been pretty good about it! - I just understand relationships so much better now. I watch my parents or my friends interact, and I SEE ways that they are undermining their marriages. I see how I talk to my friends, and it's...just different somehow. My outlook on friendship and love is forever changed from this experience.
Here's an example of new me: two Fridays ago, I pulled up at home and noticed grinding brakes. I planned to put it off a couple days since I had the girls and set off on some GAL stuff on Saturday. A little bit out, I decided that they were too bad and went to the shop. Got there around noon with my girls, totally unprepared for the day. Wound up spending over four hours walking around the busiest intersections in the city going into stores and restaurants and stuff until the car was finished. And you know what? It all just rolled off my back. I wasn't angry, wasn't grumpy, wasn't really upset at the timing. Just made the best of it for the girls and moved on. Even went and ran two other errands after the car was fixed. I just can feel that I have a totally different perspective on life now.
So, what's next for Matt777 v2.0? Keep on going, I think. The bomb at the beginning of this thread was really the key for me to let go and live my life for me and my girls. I'm not done grieving the end of my M, but I am done being hurt by it.
