There's a lot there Solo. I have other thoughts, but it's hard to type it all out on my phone. So I want to say this for now:
You have three elementary school aged kids together. There is only so dark you can go. Are you going to cover your face during parent teacher conferences? Are you going to be awkwardly silent during ballet recitals? You have at least 12 years left as co-parents. Plus eventually you'll be grandparents together. You just can't cut her out of your life completely, as much as I'm sure you want to.
So, I agree that you don't have to be friends. I agree that friends don't treat each other like she did. But I firmly believe that you are best off remaining friendLY towards her. No ignoring or blaming or punishing. It's friendly business, such as with a neighbor.
