I think I am in the same boat. The few people I have told said either I should talk with her about it or they will. I think this will just make her very mad. Maybe talk with a psychiatrist or someone who understands this issue very well? If you google this issue there are tons of examples.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation