I also do not mean to imply it's ok to be verbally abusive around that time (I am not with my daughter either, I just lose patience very easily and the smallest things really upset me when I PMS)
I can see where she feels the guilt and you may climb up on the high "you had an A and I am kind enough to let you come back" horse. Those two dynamics will clash. So she individually needs to deal with her guilt, and you need to individually deal with the A.
Are either of you doing IC or MC aside from retrovaille?
I hand it to you both. I don't know if I could have handled repairing our M after the A if that was even an option on the table. Maybe if he was a decent person inside if he did the work, and even under those circumstances, it would still have been probably the most difficult road I walked down.
Maybe you both need to take a step back while still moving forward with repairing the M. Or get some additional outside help with your own issues.
I do wish you the best and surely think it could work, but as anyone knows, this process is certainly not linear.
I do think thats where things are different here. Before BD and all this I would just accept the PMS storm was hitting... had no idea but things got worse as she was just so angry all the time. This round was alot like that ... I really did not push her nor a button. As I told her, I thought possibly this was coming from the miscarriage we had 9 years ago .. that always comes up and it is around this time (I can not recal the precise date .. Aug 20something) and may come into play here. Now, I do seem to have more of an issue with the "I'm hormonal deal with it" attitude ... I am pretty understanding, but that does not give her the right to go after me as she did ... sure we have issues, lets discuss those ... but she went from button to button looking for a fight, and became more upset the harder she tried and the longer I lasted.
As far as the A ... yeah .. its tough. I have said here before, DBing and letting that go was one thing ... was easier to just say "You are having an A, your choice, not my issue" .. in a box it went. Now trying to work on the M its there, we have talked about it but its there, a scar ... right there, and its a big one. I feel like its a birthmark on my face, sa much as I have accepted it and tried to just make peace with it ... in the mirror its there. Hence why I am still working on this, books, reading ... even thinking about IC again.
As far as MC/IC ... she is seeing an IC, but from what she has shared, it has not been much about the A, or even her stuff at the moment, they are currently working on posture, her spine, and diet. She has not seen the priest in some time either due to working.
MC I would be all for, and I intend to suggest we look into it because Retrouvaille is about done Post session wise, and to be honest the 'newness' is over and feels like we have lost some momentum, W does not appear to be engaged ... again back to isses with completing things and seeing them through.
