Zelda, I am just catching up on your sitch now. I was emotionally abused (and borderline physical abuse as well) as a child, daughter of an alcoholic. There are many of us out there. I don't have much to add, I think you have gotten some great advice and support here.
I just visited my father last weekend, got there with my kids and within 10 minutes I wanted to leave. Because somehow, every time, I "forget" how mean he is. How could I forget? But we don't get to choose our fathers, we do get to choose our spouse.
My point being, we don't always think in our own best interests. Our emotions and memories can deceive us. You deserve better and I think with detachment you will get stronger. Keep posting and take good care of yourself. You are worth it,
