I also do not mean to imply it's ok to be verbally abusive around that time (I am not with my daughter either, I just lose patience very easily and the smallest things really upset me when I PMS)
I can see where she feels the guilt and you may climb up on the high "you had an A and I am kind enough to let you come back" horse. Those two dynamics will clash. So she individually needs to deal with her guilt, and you need to individually deal with the A.
Are either of you doing IC or MC aside from retrovaille?
I hand it to you both. I don't know if I could have handled repairing our M after the A if that was even an option on the table. Maybe if he was a decent person inside if he did the work, and even under those circumstances, it would still have been probably the most difficult road I walked down.
Maybe you both need to take a step back while still moving forward with repairing the M. Or get some additional outside help with your own issues.
I do wish you the best and surely think it could work, but as anyone knows, this process is certainly not linear.
