Here's the truth from me. I don't care about your w or your marriage right now. It's you I care about. I also don't care about FB. It's not important. It just isn't. Yours says separated...hers does, too. Whatver. It's not real life. LET THAT GO!
The rings, too. Yours are off. Are you committed? You are still married. Stop worrying so much about pressure and do what feels right to you. Live your truth, Luke. Live the way you choose to live in a way that reflects who you've become. You are putting way too much importance to things and stuff. It's actions and feelings that count.
If you don't want to change your FB, don't. If you don't want to wear your rings, don't. But don't judge her for her choices. Nor allow them to indicate where she may be in all of this because that will just make you crazy. She isn't even sure where she is right now.
Ok, so, maybe its PMS, maybe its not. But heres what I think part of it was. You gave her a hard time about coming home later than she should have...so she did the same. Is it the same because you feel you have reasons to be suspicious? No. Does she realize that? No. She is feeling guilt and feeling as if no matter what she does it wont make a difference so she lashed out. Is it right? Nope. But it's how she feels.
You keep saying that her actions don't indicate her commitment. Do yours? Saying that you don't need her approval about the bike is not exactly marriage building, right? I mean technically you don't need her permission about anything, but...
As far as the book..I would imagine that was a button for her, no? You get my drift?
The PMS thing...you don't want her to use it as an excuse yet you know what its that time, she changes. So, is it a reason or isn't it?
I am also thinking that you heading for the couch everytime something happens is not moving you forward in the marriage. Maybe nothing would have resolved it, but, you didn't really try anything else.
PMS is a real thing. So, if you believe that to be true, then you need to develop ways to handle it and she needs to see a doctor about whether there is anything she can do about it. This going round and round every month isn't helping anyone.
Your buttons were pushed, Luke. The same old ones. The way to not allow that is to find new ways of dealing with this.
I am not being hard on you. I hope you know that. It comes from a place of caring.
I want to make it clear that I do not believe that you should be verbally abused, nor should you suck it up. But you do need to work though some of the stuff you are still holding onto or this will continue.
You know I have felt all along that this was moving too quickly. Others may disagree and that's ok. But I have seen it on here and in real life way too often. Things have to be resolved in order to move forward and build a new foundation.
She feels guilty and like she cant do enough to satisfy you. You don't feel like she is all in and are still reeling from the affair and the sex issue. Those are big things to get through, but, you must.
What do you want, Luke? Are you fully committed? Its ok if you aren't. Just realize that. And if you aren't then you have to accept that she may not be either. Doesn't mean this cant work. It's just that reality has to be accepted in order to figure out how to continue.
Ugh ... hope it blows by for the weekend but I have a feeling I need to clean off that spew jacket. [/quote]
