have i been making mistakes too long part 4

[CaliGuy]

I know they frown on 'other books' ... but for an LBH this one is gold ... No More Mr Nice Guy ... a few here have mentioned it before ... heck I think I may have to open it up and dust it off again .. even though its on my kindle.

Thing is .. NOW is a perfect time get into this all, you will see me put a 2.0 on the end of a name, because I truly feel to get where I needed to go I had to change, become better...'Cali 2.0' was born. Even this morning the new system was tested, the old me would have yelled/beat his chest and ran out of the house slamming the door .... 2.0 took over, calm, cool ... truth darted and was firm but fair .. held my ground and left on the same level emotionally as I started. Heck I even smirked and winked at the new me.

[mutatio]

tkdmme, you rebuilt a 64 ford galaxie 500? You a gear head? I'm am too. I have 2 projects I'm sitting on that are presently going nowhere, a 65 Impala and a 70 Chevelle.

I was losing interest in them, thinking I had to throw my energy into fixing the marriage. After Cali's last post I am going to rethink it.

There is so much of ourselves we put aside in the name of marriage.

[tkdmme]

Cali,

Thanks for the book suggestion. Im going to check it out. Also, you are an inspiration. I am assume you and W reconciled by the retrouvaille in your signature.

[tkdmme]

Yes, I grew up in the garage. My dad and grand dad were both mechanics.

I sold my 64 right after BD. I thought it would show my W that I was serious about making changes and spending more time with the family. Im kicking myself as I type this. I loved that car. It had the original FE 352 in it and original paint. It was a survivor car. A little rust in the rocker panels but other than that she was rust free. I had new interior and had the engine purring. I did however put the GM style HE distributor with electronic points. I kind of cheated be doing that and I got a lot of frowns from the die hard ford guys.

I wish I had two projects sitting in my garage. BTW I love both the chevelle and the impala.

If I were you I would get to work on those cars. Expensive hobby though.

[CaliGuy]

Well ... yeah my sitch was looking like doom and gloom and out of the blue W told me she did not want D, now you would assume once you hear those words you would be 'bout time lets fix this M' but at that point .. I really had to think about if I wanted that at all. This is where boundaries, and non-negotibles come into play ... you are not there yet but Retrouvaille was one of these things, and it has been extremely helpful, we have 3 Post sessions left (one this weekend). I have been moving in slowly .. but have been there almost 3 months now.

As far as Cars ... yup .. old motorhead here. Last one was a 55 F 100 351W, before that 81 Vette 350, 75 T/A 455, 69 Camaro RS 327, Gran Torino 351C ... been a car guy all my life. At BD I had just got into Rock Crawlers, I fabbed one up from a jeep that someone rolled and gave me free.... motor/trans good, shelled it out, caged it ... did the suspension, tricked out the fuel to a Screaming eagle carb set up (They do not stall at serious angles) .... thing was a beast and a blast. Had to sell it when W moved out as I could not park it on the streets, and I could not afford at the time a place with a garage. So now I got into the Harley and have some trick mods in store for that. I have worked metal most my life and have a shop at my disposal, waterjets, lasers, press brakes, welding .. all here and free ... so now and then I love to tinker.

[tkdmme]

That is awesome, both the Retrouvaille and the cars.

I grew up in rural TN and had the same things available to me. One of the great things about growing up in the country is the room. My grandfather had a two bay shop beside his house with a junk yard behind it. If you needed anything you just went out back and pulled it off another car.

He had it all and after he died it was all left to me. The only problem is I don't live there any more and don't have room for it at my house. I took most of the small tools, but there are engine hoists, welders, and pretty much anything you need to build a car still there. My dream is to one day have enough room to accommodate the rest.

He helped me restore my first car it was a 73 beetle. I paid 200 for it out of the money I made mowing grass. it was a complete restoration. I started on it when I was 14 and finished it by my 16th bday. I miss that car and my grandpa. He was an awesome man.

[WhyUs]

tkd, do u perform anywhere on a regular basis?

[tkdmme]

I stopped for a while but I'm doing Tuesdays starting in september

[mutatio]

tkdmme maybe you should keep an eye out for another project. Between the kids, music and maybe a project you will be plenty busy.

Something I am starting to do is let go of, relinquish control of my marital situation. I am going to go with the flow. Which is no where right now. So I will simply wait patiently for a new moment.

How does your spouse's unhappiness manifest itself to you? I get silence, ignored, avoided and she sits alone on her bed.

[tkdmme]

I had a fight with the w tonight. Her car broke down and she tried ti fix it. I asked why she didn't call me. She said she didn't want to ask me for a favor. So I fixed her car. GOD I'm so tired of this. I have taken enough abuse. I feel like throwing in the towel. I really wish she would move out and let me get on with my life.

She said again tonight that the only option is divorce. I said I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm setting some rules of my own. I will no longer be her maintenance man. I really let her have it tonight. I don't know if it fits DB but I'm not going to let her negative attitude effect me. She said she felt bad for me. I said please don't because I'm doing better than ever. I'm working on me regardless of her.

I feel great about myself right now. I'm starting to see the man that I am. I'm 39, I'm a good dad, I'm a great musician, I'm a good mechanic, and I'm loyal. I'm starting to love being me.

She says she wants divorce but she is still here. She said she is on eggshells. I'm the one on eggshells. I know the rules and I don't believe anything she says. I feel good about the changes I'm making. To quote Jackson Brown "don't remind me of my failures. I have not forgotten them".