LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[asitis]

Even the Buddha continued to form warm Rs with people after his enlightenment. He was pained by the death of someone close to him. Here is a passage I always read to people who are going through the struggle of understanding why they keep forming attachments that only will make them suffer:

"When I was a young monk, I believed that the Buddha didn't suffer once he had become enlightened. Naively I asked myself 'What's the use of becoming a Buddha if you continue to suffer?' The Buddha did suffer, because he had a body, feelings, and perceptions, like all of us...When one of his beloved students died, he suffered. How can you not suffer when a dear friend has just died? The Buddha wasn't stone. He was a human being. But because he had a lot of insight, wisdom, and compassion, he knew how to suffer and so he suffered much less." Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus

I think our challenge is like the 4th of the Five Remembrances: All that is dear to me, and everyone I love, are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. It doesn't go on to say not to have loved ones. It tells us to love them with this in mind. Do you love someone less knowing you will have to say goodbye someday (if you are lucky - some people die so suddenly that we don't get this chance)?

I think a lot of the non-attachment is so that we are not messing up the relationship w/ our own cr*p. Our own neuroses, insecurities, etc. as much as we can. It is so we can love.

Now, should you love everyone equally because there is nothing special about any of us? Certainly there is an aspirational element to see no difference. But I haven't seen too many people even close to this, even after many decades (them not me) of practice & wise teachers. There is no difference, and yet there is. All form is emptiness, but all emptiness form. I am not really an I, and yet I am in a very real, practical sense. The Buddha continued to love particular people with whom he bonded, they just weren't sexual bonds. You will continue to love particular people. They will continue to cause you suffering. Can you love them well in the time you have with them? Can you love them enough to get out of their way and respect their wishes when they don't correspond with your wishes? Can you grow from making the relationship part of your practice and fuel for your practice? These seem to me to be big enough challenges at least where I am on the path.

Just how I think about it.