Everything is still with the L's and has been ongoing for almost a year. We cannot reach an agreement. Basically, I want to stay in the house, there is a lot of equity tied up in the house, but after speaking to my L at the start she advised it looked likely I could keep the house and also receive a moderate capital sum from H. This is not how things look now.
H first went to a L last year as he maintained he could not keep paying the mortgage (at that time I know he could afford it, he just did not see why he should). He has now moved to a very expensive apartment with the OW and has not paid the mortgage since April. My L has advised we want to avoid court as we are not talking about vast sums of money, and the court costs could outweigh any possible gain. Plus I have no idea what way it could go. So I am paying everything - mortgage, bills, food, everything. And the mortgage at the moment is really high, I am looking to re-finance to get it down to a more affordable amount.
I am able to buy H out of the house - his pension and other assets offset his share. But H and his L seem to have decided the value of our house which I think is totally unfair. We have had about 8 valuations done, we went with the middle amount and the one agreed by 3 of the vendors, but H obviously wants to go with the highest one which means he doesn't need to pay me a capital sum. I am not being greedy here but I do want to get what I am due. They also refuse to agree on the value of another property. They have now said we should just sell the house to get a true valuation. I cannot see how this would be in H's best interests. It is the family home and if it was sold the profit would come to me anyway.
My L has now said I should be happy to get the house transferred over to me and there will be no capital sum paid by H. But I feel I am giving in. It's the unfairness of it all - he's got the perfect life and everything has turned out great for him while I've suffered all the pain and torment. Not to mention the financial implications of it all - I am dipping into my savings at the moment to get by. And at the end of it all, yes I will have the house, but also a huge legal bill to pay. I really don't want to sell and move but I don't know what to do. None of my friends and family know anything about separations and divorce and cannot offer me any sound advice. I certainly can't afford to retain another L.
Do you think I'm letting bitterness cloud my thinking here? Sunny - I have been reading your recent posts with interest. Your H seems to realise none of this was what you wanted so he is prepared to pay the legal costs. I think that is the very least my H could do, but he really does not think he's done anything wrong at all - he wasn't happy and now he is, end of story. If my L suggested him paying this, he would of course just refuse and it all seems to be within his rights to do so. If I had known at the start it all boiled down to H and L getting to decide what the value of the properties were I would never have paid for the valuations (2 of them at least) to be done. It just all seems like a complete waste of money.
I have seen him 3 times since he moved. We had an argument the first time regarding him stopping the mortgage payments. Things were very civil and friendly at his next couple of visits. I believe he is enjoying playing host to some of his family and friends who visit him in his beautiful, clutter-free, teenager-free apartment in the beautiful part of the world it's in. Everything is so perfect for him.
Meanwhile in other news, I am now super-fit! I feel great, I am not dating but I am enjoying my freedom and embracing the single life. I have met loads of new people. I have been asked for my number several times, and even stopped by strangers on the street! It is so odd, but there is no spark with anyone at the moment and I think that's what I'm holding out for.
Sorry for the long post but if anyone could offer any advice I would so appreciate it.
S
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
