Ok Zeus I saw inside out! I'm having a hard time processing all of it but what I took from it is your feelings are real need to be felt and worked through! You can feel two feelings at one time (happy and sad) look at the good memories not the bad ones! Core memories- what memories mean the most to you and they can grow and change. You can not always feel happy and if you lose happiness you need to find a way back to it?! Hopefully on the right thinking process.
Jelly, don't worry. I've read everything you've typed, it was more delicate than a butterfly with sore feet landing on a dandelion.
4, glad you saw that movie. That was so good. My god it was emotional too for a pixar film. Sheesh.
But yes, I think there are many good take aways from the movie. Just gives you a better idea of how things work. To me the most important part is to be conscious that you have a team of emotions, they work FOR you, they don't run you. And that what one of them tells you when they're "in control" isn't necessarily "true" or "who you are". It's just a voice from someone on your team.
Who are you if you're not your emotions? You are the one that decides which emotions to act on, which to put in charge, which to empower, which to believe.
So agree- listen to your emotions, identify which ones they are, what they are telling you, and why. Then, like you're a manager conducting a meeting with your employees, ask if any other emotions have things to contribute, hear them out. Then, as a leader, taking into account your core beliefs, your goals, your spirituality, etc...make the decision of how you want to lead forward.
Make sense?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Jelly sorry I didn't get back to u right away was busy at the fair and movie yesterday! Now to finish up school shopping! Your words Ee not harsh they are honest! I have a a lot of work to do! It will be a long hard journey but I will overcome! I'm really getting into the CD book it's valuable glad I didn't give up on it! We r going on a motorcycle ride tonight with some friends any advice is welcome I know PMA and not clinging! No r talk! I actually haven't even been cuddling with him at night and I'm ok with it! When I fell asleep on couch last night he asked if I was coming to bed I said sure but it didn't trigger any emotion like normal! He has been kinder but I think it's simply because I have not been so controlling and clingy
Well PMA went well no R talk! Just a simple easy going night with friends! I think I did pretty well! Had a lot of realizations last night I will write about soon!
Ok thoughts from the night I DO love this man but I do not love him enough to continue down this districting path! I choose me first! I deserve love and respect and I am choosing to work on me because I need a change in my own life! It was nice going out with friends together and I was ok with friends for now! It is what is needed! I continue to pray for guidance and support pushing forward! I guess being on the motorcycle under the stars gave me a clearer mind! I am Choosing to learn about forgiving myself and learning from my choices instead of playing victim! It's was an awakening!
"He has been kinder but I think it's simply because I have not been so controlling and clingy"
Hi 4 - the above is interesting and I think it shows that what you have been doing recently has had a positive effect. You removed some pressure and he has responded to you a little more kindly..
I'm so glad you are sticking with the book & CD. Hopefully if you carry on this path, it will lead to more positive changes in your life - whatever your H may be doing.
As you say, whilst you love him (as so many of us do our WAS) - you don't love him to the extent that you will live in a R where he doesn't behave lovingly or you are disrespected. That is good self-esteem talking.
Keep it up my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Ok thoughts from the night I DO love this man but I do not love him enough to continue down this districting path! I choose me first! I deserve love and respect and I am choosing to work on me because I need a change in my own life! It was nice going out with friends together and I was ok with friends for now! It is what is needed! I continue to pray for guidance and support pushing forward! I guess being on the motorcycle under the stars gave me a clearer mind! I am Choosing to learn about forgiving myself and learning from my choices instead of playing victim! It's was an awakening!
4, this is great. It's where you need to be. Just remember that your emotions don't move in a straight line, things tend to circle around. So if you wake up tomorrow and don't feel this way at all, just wait it out. Hang in there, do what you know is right, and this strong feeling will come back. And it will probably last longer the next time around. And soon it will become your new normal. Keep it up.
Well I felt myself giving me a hard time last night. You could have been better at PMA you should not have ignored him when he said good night ect. I then turned the thoughts to I can choose to do better next time. We have had pleasant interactions for two days. I will choose to not get upset when he goes out with friends and OW tonight because he did make an effort to spend time with me on Friday. I will choose to simply say ok and listen to my feeling and decide I will be ok. It was very hard as I was exhausted running on 2 hours of sleep but I did it. He came home last night (the last few weekends he has not come home if we do not have the kids) it was 6 am but he said he feel asleep at neighbors also his best friends. They drove together to bar so I have no reason I guess to doubt that. If he stayed with OW he would not have come home as a bunch of them are going tubing today.
I was also kind this morning when he got up to leave for tubing simply asked for the debit card and said have a good day after he said it to me.
So changes I have made in the last few days is a positive self talk, praying for guidance, positive interactions, thanking him for cleaning ect, (usually I pick apart what he has not done). I have not sent a lot of texts or calls
Changes it has caused: He took me out, he came home last night, he has positive towards me.
Yes I understand at the drop of a hat this can all change but it seems to be moving me closer to my goal or positive interactions.
I have had no expectations the last few days also. I would usually come home upset saturdays because he slept all day or worked on racecar all day and did nothing around the house. He does very little durring the week so i was expecting him to clean on weekends. I came home yesterday the entire drive home telling myself no expectations if it is not clean I have all day sunday to do it. It is not just one persons responsibility and it will be ok if it is not done. HA tricked me it was done and i was so happy. usually i set myself up for failure because i have convinced myself it wont be done putting myself in a bad mood and then when it is done I am already anxious from my own thoughts i find fault in him doing it. I convinced myself yesterday it did not matter no expectations and when I saw it cleaned I was HAPPY THANKFUL AND APPRECIATIVE. Changing thought patterns can change moods/outcomes. I feel even if it was not done I would not have been upset I had already come to terms it was not just one persons responsibility and I have days I dont want to do anything either.! Just feeling proud of the weekend
Awesome 4. As a man I can tell you the most powerful force is approval. I think we guys are ultimately like dogs in that we just want to make our women happy and be approved of. When we get to the point where we don't know how to do that anymore we start getting frustrated, discouraged, lost, and defeated. I can see how breaking the cycle of scorn leading to behavior that is scornful is a big step. Most importantly it is growth for you. You can't control his half of the dance, but this is all about you dancing better on your half. Keep posting and keep going.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I have had no expectations the last few days also. I would usually come home upset saturdays because he slept all day or worked on racecar all day and did nothing around the house. He does very little durring the week so i was expecting him to clean on weekends. I came home yesterday the entire drive home telling myself no expectations if it is not clean I have all day sunday to do it. It is not just one persons responsibility and it will be ok if it is not done. HA tricked me it was done and i was so happy. usually i set myself up for failure because i have convinced myself it wont be done putting myself in a bad mood and then when it is done I am already anxious from my own thoughts i find fault in him doing it. I convinced myself yesterday it did not matter no expectations and when I saw it cleaned I was HAPPY THANKFUL AND APPRECIATIVE. Changing thought patterns can change moods/outcomes. I feel even if it was not done I would not have been upset I had already come to terms it was not just one persons responsibility and I have days I dont want to do anything either.! Just feeling proud of the weekend
This is wicked stuff 4, thoughts change emotions, you are do the work. WELL DONE YOU!! Super proud of you, as you must be for yourself.
