My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

The analogy of it being like a child and tough love is spot on. But be careful not to become the "parent". You're not that person, and you don't need to be cast as that person. It's not the right fit and will mire you down in a bad dynamic.

This is one of the areas I feel like I really need to be careful with. She has mentioned before that it's like I'm her father, and this was prespewfest. I didn't agree with her then, but I've since come to realize that how she felt wasn't really up for argument. I don't want her to feel this way any longer.

You know what you want for her. You know what you want from her. You know what you want in general. But let's just say you get part of what you want. What would that be? What are you willing to accept in lieu of getting all of it. Not that getting all of it is out of reach. It's anyone's guess at this point. But what are your priorities in that list?

I'd very much like to say that a healthy marriage with her is at the top of that list, but it isn't. First and foremost I would like to see her move beyond the selfish, angry person she is at the moment. That would move to the second priority, I'd like to see her be a good mother to our kids again. She's really dropped the ball in this regard, but I don't think she can be a good mother without moving out of her current funk. After those two, it would be our marriage restored.

It's likely going to be a long time while you wait. What are you doing for you? What are you doing to GAL and reinvent yourself? To build the rest of that family unit you want?

In terms of getting a life. I have started working a lot, while that isn't exactly GAL, it does provide me the means to move in the direction I want to. I have been reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in years. I am involved with my side of the family again, during our M, my family was put on the back burner. Saturday's have become family day. Trips to various national parks, building up camping equipment.

When I was growing up, I had to be very self sufficient. If I wanted to go somewhere, I had to figure it out on my own. I carried this mindset into adulthood and my boys have seen it. Rarely would I give them a ride anywhere. I have changed that mindset and have made myself pretty available to my kids.

What does Late30's 2.0 start to look like in your future vision? Just you. I suspect there are a few things you'd like to change about yourself, right? What are they?

I'd like to be more empathetic. I want to get into the gym and channel this weight loss further. I want to quit smoking. I'd like to get caffeine out of my system. I'd like to have more restraint. There are times if I get some notion in my head, I usually speak on that matter fairly quickly. Often times with poor timing. I'd love to have complete control over my temper. I rarely get angry, but when I do I tend to be very abrasive with my words. Almost going from ice cold to boiling hot instantly. It generally passes in 15-30 seconds, but I would like to keep from saying things I will regret later.

One more thought for the night Be careful of other women. You're a bit vulnerable, down 40 pounds, and likely very friendly when not around W. Seems there's a lot of people that find that very attractive, may also be vulnerable at this point in their lives, and that would be a set back in your relationship that might be hard to overcome with W.

Almost like you're in my head, heh. Seems that I stop to remind myself of this more often than I used to. Though it was a nice little ego boost to have the 22 year old blonde hitting on me. I had to stop and laugh at myself after the fact, going through all this and I found myself considering one of the most classic MLC moves -- pursuing someone nearly half my age. I didn't consider it long and am able to chuckle about it now, but if I am being honest with myself, I did consider it.

Put some thought into what 2.0 looks like. I think you'll find that worthwhile.

I'll do that. I will have a comprehensive list in a few days. Thanks again, AJ.