[BrightFuture]

Found out today that H contacted our other friends from the vacation home regarding Labor Day weekend. These are the people I stayed with a few weeks ago on my vacation. They let him stay at their vacation home place a few times before, when I was at the condo at the same time. This time they refused to let him stay, saying that they don’t allow people to stay at their house without them being there any longer. This is interesting. They were always so accommodating to everyone.

So, my first reaction after learning about this… I feel so guilty that I’m putting H in this situation. I was almost ready to change my plans and not go to the vacation home. I feel sorry for H that he has to ask people for favors. I’m just surprised that he is not able to find any other option over there, after him bragging about how many friends he has over there. What about that crazy woman house? Well, I suppose she will have her kids (who are at college in the city where I live) spending the weekend with the parents. Still, would not she had a place for him, especially when she is so involved in his life, LOL?

I felt so unsettled the whole afternoon after these news. I’ve been trying to identify the root cause of these feelings. Do I truly feel guilty and sorry for H (he got rejected, I know how it feels), or am I scarred that he is going to come back to me and say that he will not let me stay at the condo because he cannot find the accommodations for himself, hence I’m fearing rejection. Or, is it that this situation tells me that I need to re-evaluate the condo situation as a whole. Am I too selfish to still wanting to go there? Do I need to back off and let H live his life without me interfering? I think it all comes down to feeling sorry for H. Does he feel that I’m holding him hostage in this? By still using the condo and showing at the place where his friends are? I feel like I am a bad person. And I still don’t understand why H hasn’t cut that cord yet and didn’t ask me to remove my stuff from the condo and find a different arrangements. He’s been playing nice for whatever reason. And I feel guilty.