My story

[drpqb29]

My H and I have been married for 10 years this July. In April, (we had a fight) he told me he wanted a divorce because he isn't happy, doesn't love me anymore, and is ready to move on. He had an apartment 2 weeks later and has been gone since then. We have two children D8 and D5. July 1st he filed for D.

Background... we have had a rocky marriage. He cheated on my via online dating and sexting women. He also was a porn user. I was insecure and began the life long pattern of checking up on him because I didn't trust him. I think for most of our marriage he has had an affair with someone (not physical that I am aware of). He has put us in debt several times because of gambling as well. I feel I wasn't really important to him. I would find more things that he was doing, and then next thing you know I am apologizing for getting emotional when we were discussing the issues.

I started reading DR in May. I don't feel divorce is the answer and would make our situation 100x worse. I am not from where we are currently living. I am 1000 miles away from my family. His parents and family are being very supportive. This is difficult on all of us. If D is what we are going to do, then I would like to move back close to my family.

I have been doing IC and talked with a DB coach. I feel like I am starting to be clear of the fog. I sometimes am confused with my H with his actions and second guess most everything. I am trying to remember to believe none of what he says and half of what he does, but sometimes I drift into moments of negative thoughts.

I want my family together, but am beginning to realize that I will be ok with out him. I don't think I ever really forgave him for the talking and texting with other women. I think by the time I was getting to an ok spot, he did it again. Then I would react and end up going overboard and being the one saying sorry.