LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[Pyrite]

Hey Asitis,

I have had attractions, and women show an interest in me that felt really, really good. I recognized that no matter how much I think I'm in a good place, I'm still very vulnerable to that kind of attention & might mistake it for something else.

i have experienced this hardcore in the last 24 hours!! And like you, I can't distinguish between my projection/interpretation and their intention. Nonetheless, I have found I can absorb the feeling through a self-less love.

I haven't raised this yet with any teachers, I haven't read a satisfactory answer and my own conclusion is somewhat incomplete, or dis-satisfactory. Perhaps you have some insight you can share:

The Dharma encourages this self-less, detached love. This makes perfect sense. Romantic, "selfish" love for another person really stems from craving and attatchment. That person makes us feel good inside. We can feel this ourselves, without the external stimulus. However, what then makes one person more attractive than another. Makes me special, and them.

Testimony of this is that monks are celibate, not married, but "household Buddhist's" are free to marry. Although supposedly given this selfless, almost impersonal love. So how to choose a partner? On what grounds?

I suspect that one day, when the Dharma has soaked into the Universal mind-stream to the extent that even lay buddhists practice this selfless love, that Ms will take the form of arranged M's. In that it is only compatabilities on a different level that are necessary. Maybe this is the key though. Maybe if different individuals do have different qualities, this is where it starts from, although it is hard to see how attraction fits in.

Indeed, if one day we all achieve Budahhood, or close to, then don't we lose these aspects of individuality that lead to attraction, attachment, craving, samsara, dukka and so on. In this world it seems that arranged Ms would be necessary for procreation. I suppose as more and more people are enlightened, fewer and fewer souls would need to be reborn.

Anyway - individualism, what makes that special person special if romantic love is "imperfect" love.