hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

U-turn - I am sorry you had to finally do that. I don't think you should feel ashamed of protecting yourself and your kids. As long as you are the best Dad you can be they will be okay. I am sure you will be on pins and needles until that day comes but try to stay busy. You have time to decided on what you will say. I am sure you will do what's right by you and your kids.

Now I want KFC for dinner, thanks for that

Thanks EP, my shame didn't last long, though I'm sure I will go through bouts of this - I discussed this with my IC yesterday and she agreed with what you said too - it is for protection for myself and kids. She feels the kids (as I described them) may actually be somewhat relieved by this as it may ease a lot of tension that surrounds them - I don't know if this is true - time will tell and I will work with them to comfort them and somehow teach them that marriages are not to be taken lightly and given up on easily (hope I don't sound like a hypocrite).

Three words 'cards' 'chest' 'close' 'to'

OK I lied, four words

There is still time for WW to get sharp, take the initiative and let her have no wriggle room. A sleazy L could get in first, I have seen it in court actions on cross claims.

Oh, and I always say, hugs with the kids, even the very big that's not what I want and don't embarrass me dad- type of kid.

I did say hugs? As in 'your dad could do with a hug right now' manoever

Thank Vanilla, I do agree with this - not giving her much time to beat me to this, but I also, for some reason still have some inner desire to be compassionate too. I do not have this figured out yet, but have a little time to think on it.

Hugs for the kids - yes absolutely, funny thing is I get them alot (and use the dad needs a hug trick) on S17 - D15 is still tough with that though, I do not want to be too smuthery with her - I keep slowly chipping away at that though.

U, I think not telling your kids just yet is right on track, but not telling W and letting her be surprised just doesn't sit right with me. How does it make you feel? It very well may be the right choice for your sich, but do a gut check and then a head check. Both are important. Did you ask your L about it? Is that what he recommended? Again, it may be the right choice here, but what if you gave her notice the night before? Not enough time to do anything about it, but she still heard it from you first. Is that possible?

Thank you Sunny
I've been thinking a lot about all of this. I may tell S21 about this before she's served. He does not live with us any more and I feel like I may owe this to him - otherwise he will be the last to know (I don't know for certain that I will do this though)

My IC - who councils children too, says it may be a good idea to forewarn them of what's happening - I don't know if I agree.

I do have a bad feeling about not telling her prior to being served - it seems a little sh!tty and cowardly. My lawyer said for me to think about it if I plan to tell her (he kind of indicated, why would I want to cause turmoil for an unknown amount of time).

I will not know when she will be served - it could be two weeks, it could be three, it will just happen without warning, so likely, if I decide to tell her, it may be best in about two weeks.

I agree that it is important to give forewarning. Receiving D papers without any warning would be a shock. And I think to forewarn is to show care and honour the M you have had. Even if it is to come to an end.

My H emailed me a few days before I received D papers, and I grieved for 24 hours and was then ready for them to arrive. I'm glad he did that and I think it was the right way.

Why would you not forewarn her?

Thanks Sotto,
I do understand this and I do not really have a reason that I wouldn't tell her - it clearly will be a difficult conversation to have but I understand how not having this conversation would not be honorable.

I would want to be warned.

Thanks Sotto

Just don't let her file first - it can weaken your position. Regarding forewarning her: If you serve without warning, perhaps the shock she feels in response can be beneficial, lift the fog a bit?

Thank you RAI
I'm not sure this will matter in my state though unless I am blind to it and she has filed too - I kind of doubt that (she's not big on action). I did think about the shock too - but I'm not sure that what that would get me now that the ball is rolling.

Thank you so much everyone for your support and input - I have a lot to think about.
(I love knowing that this is actually being read )