I sent her an email asking if she had set up a meeting with mediator and she said no -that is good. Shae said she would prefer to go the lawyer route -that is bad. I was really hoping that this 30 days apart would have her missing me but it doesn't seem to have done much in that regard. We haven't gone 2 days without talking in 20 years now it's been 20 days and nothing. God I miss her and my old life.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
My wife emailed me last night that she wants to go ahead with legal separation and through lawyers, not the mediation route. I was really hoping that the 30 days apart would give her time to reminisce and miss me and what we had. There still is 10 days before she gets back but she sure seems hell bent on legal separation. Any suggestions? I'm trying to be as positive as I can and with the kids when I Skype with them but this is so tough. I love my wife and family so much and would do anything for them.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
Duke - Here's the thing. Your M was over at BD. So...legal separation, mediators, who cares? All that is is the legal way of doing what's already done.
As for this time, a month is truly NOTHING in DB land. Especially a month where she's on an EU vacation WITH the kids. She's not really missing anything right now. So I can't imagine another 10 days having an impact at this point.
So - what awesome things are you doing for Duke in the next 10 days?
I guess you have a few good points here but its tough for me to face it. I know I have to do my best to get past this and be the best me that I can for me and my kids. Its just tough.
I am going to try to get out more and do the things I like, cycling, working out, beach volleyball, church...
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
Yes, she said that she thinks we are too far apart in what we want and would waste time at a mediator or argue. We went to a family mediator to discuss kids time etc and that did not go well. She just vented the entire time. Even the mediator had to calm her down, tell her she was speaking with anger and spite and not being productive.
M: 48 W: 45 Married: 16 years D1-14, D2-11, D3-9 BD: May 29 She moved out 2 weeks later with kids Awaiting mediation
I guess you have a few good points here but its tough for me to face it. I know I have to do my best to get past this and be the best me that I can for me and my kids. Its just tough.
I am going to try to get out more and do the things I like, cycling, working out, beach volleyball, church...
My point was that the M you remember is already over. Your W isn't going to come running back to be in the same marriage. What we are all trying to do is to work to forge a NEW, improved marriage. Unfortunately, that isn't likely to happen within a couple of weeks. You read the stitches that turn around and they are usually months of hard work.
With that said, the legal side of it is going to go on one way or another. But in my opinion, it isn't that important. Nothing really changes if you are divorced vs. now. If you think about it, what would really be different for your regular life? For your interactions with your W?
So, you've been in essentially no contact for 3 weeks. What have you worked on for you? What are your goals? What are your 180s? Just leaving her alone isn't enough - you need to actually change to be able to begin work towards that new M.
