Finally asking for help:

[HPoirot]

Hello Solo15. 10 months I was exactly where you are. I can tell you taking AD meds were a big help to me and I recommend them to you. They will let you deal with this inside much better. They worked so well for me that I was afraid to go off them for fear of sliding back. I think I used them for 4 months then just stopped cold and found I was better than OK. I did eat while on them, though, and gained 40 pounds so keep working out and eating right.

Also, I found responses where I showed emotion to her like "I am devastated" will work against you. When XW was constantly texting and calling, I (with the help of folks here) stated the conditions I would respond to her and then stuck to them.

When she went too far with a text, I told her I would not be available via phone or text and she would have to email me. Then I blocked her from my phone.

Get used to not being too moved by her and not showing it whenever you are.

Keep going.